Thinking, Planning, and Regrets.

hindsight-rear-view-future-past-road-mirror

Today is the start of a full 3 days off from work.  I will still be working, but only checking emails here and there.  A-Train is out of town so I have time to think about everything and come up with a new plan – even if that plan is to stop making plans and go with the flow. 🙂

Some of my favorite blogger friends gave me some words of wisdom after my post, Think.  Harold Spain stated that even with the best of plans, sometimes things don’t go as planned. Grey Goose basically said do what you want now so you don’t have regrets later.  Both of their comments have me thinking in different ways.

Being a type-A thinker can be a curse.  My parents told me it’s a gift because you can observe your behavior, analyze what works and doesn’t work, and change course based on the direction we want to go.  My parents are so proud of me, what I have done in my life, and how I have done it (with integrity, forethought, etc..).  My good friend Unicorns and Rainbows has the same curse as we – we spend all our time planning and plotting our course of action that we are actually beginning to think that we are missing out on life.

Regrets suck.  Living with mistakes is o.k…  but when you look at the end of your life, and you wished you had done something else, something different, or in most cases, just something.  Doing nothing is what fuels most people’s regret.  Mine is being cautious – being too cautious has caused regrets. I look at my life to date – I’ve done a lot of things, lived life to its fullest in a lot of ways.  Oh I have made our fair share of mistakes, but I don’t regret them because they were great life experiences. The only regrets I have is being too cautious.  My biggest mistakes?

  1. Waiting too long to get out of a bad marriage – not leaving soon enough to live my life. Yes I loved my husband and I desperately wanted it to work. But he didn’t love me, he didn’t care about me and what I wanted and needed. Would I have loved for it to work out and still be married to him?  Absolutely.  Did waiting for him to “come around” work out?  No.  Waiting didn’t change him, it only left me more damaged and with less time to find another partner.
  2. Waiting too long to leave bad jobs – it hurt me both physically, mentally, and professionally.  Remember Man Hands? Why in the world did I wait it out? I know I thought I could turn it around. But it was and still is one of the worst experiences I’ve had while living on this planet.

When did I become so cautious? Is this what happens when you get older? Get stung too many times?  Once Bitten Twice Shy kind of thing?  Anyway, Harold’s words got me thinking – planning can help put focus on a direction I want to go, but I still need to adjust as needed and enjoy the damn journey.  Stop being so cautious, live a little.  Grey Goose’s reminder to not live with regret is the best way to live life…

So maybe a move in in my near future?  I get it, where ever you go, there you are, but maybe a change of pace is exactly what I need. Maybe the plan I created for myself years ago isn’t working for me and a new plan is in order.  Maybe being a VP or President of a company isn’t in my heart anymore. Maybe being close to my nieces, laughing, making dinner, and painting nails is….

What are your biggest regrets? What caused them – being too cautious… being too reckless… being too XX??

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3 thoughts on “Thinking, Planning, and Regrets.

  1. Grey Goose, Dirty May 25, 2015 / 6:58 am

    You’ve got such a great outlook, Paula, that whatever decision you make, will be a great one.

    I suffer from being an ‘A’ as well. I have one of those annoying minds that is hard to turn off. I will question a decision ad nausea and try to figure out the outcome before I even start. Sometimes it has worked for me, sometimes not so much.

    I am doing something completely out of my comfort zone right now. I actually put a fairly cryptic post on FB asking for opinions (isn’t that how all important life decisions are made?) and was very surprised by the responses I got.

    Many people err on the side of caution, which is what I normally do. This time, however, I’m ignoring my inner ‘what if’ and doing it. Reason being — although it may be viewed as irresponsible by some (and even myself), I’m doing something solely for the sake of it making me happy. And it will.

    I’m excited for whatever decision you make, my friend.

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  2. R. W. Emerson May 24, 2015 / 2:58 am

    Regrets almost always come from being too cautious and too scared to make decisions that upset the status quo.

    I live with many regrets – even though I consider myself to be pretty happy otherwise, I constantly hate on myself for allowing others to control the course of my life.

    A contradiction? Yes, it is. Our lives are full of contradictions and inconsistencies – things that we know that we should do but don’t for some made up reason or another. Justifications and rationalizations that allow ourselves to continue putting up with shitty situations even though we know better.

    I regret allowing myself to get old and fat; I regret never learning to dance, paint or play an instrument; I regret not being more assertive early on in my career and taking bigger risks; I regret my marriage even though we appear to everyone on the outside as the perfect couple; I regret not being honest with myself about my needs and desires all these years and mostly I regret being too scared to do something about it.

    Make the move. Do something spontaneous without planning out the next 50 years of your life. Do it or you will probably regret it.

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    • paulasponderings May 25, 2015 / 5:05 am

      Wow. Thank you for sharing. I had to read your comments 3x to fully grasp what you were sharing.

      You are right.. there are so many “should do’s” in our society that we follow without thought. I’m guilty of it as I type this note. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about what I should be doing, even though I’m so outside what is “normal” for a 44 year old woman.

      What I love about your list? Most (if not all) can be remedied You want to get fit? learn how to dance? Call me – I’ll do both of these with you!! And I’m sure you will find friends and other folks who would love to experience the adventure with you.

      The other regets… it is never too late. It may not be “normal” and you will most likely be ostracized by others, but you will learn who is friend and foe… and it could very well simplify your life.

      Yes, I think a move is in order for me. I’m not sure where that move will be to, but I need it. I have a few ideas.. and if you know me well enough, you know how the mind of Paula works… I will figure it out.

      Thank you again for sharing. You have given me some things to think about as I focus on a new chapter in my life.

      xoxo.

      Like

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