Yes, you see correcty, a dream about the EX. Wish it was a SEX dream… but not this time folks.
It was a very clear, vivid dream. I woke up due to a startled heart, I took a bit of time to catch my breath, but here is what I dreamt.
The EX was having a baby. Yes, he was the one giving birth. He was experiencing all the pregnancy events – doctors visits, excitement with family and friends…. I was not included in this. He was doing all his pregnancy/kid things with his girlfriends (yes, actual girlfriends, but I think it was more to signify friendships…. ) . He was so excited… all a chatter, phone calls to friends, family.. etc.. The EX rarely showed any emotion of any kind the last years of your marriage so this was a very big deal.
So, the dream. We are in the kitchen. The kitchen at the house we lived in (it was a great kitchen), and I shared with him that I was concerned about having a baby becuase our relationship was not on track. You know what he said? That he would rather have the baby than have a relationship with me. Yep – That if he could only have one, he would pick the baby.
I woke up startled… and you know why? Because it was so honest. I think that is exactly how he felt. He wanted a family, he didn’t care who it was with. And he certainly didn’t want to “waste time” working out our relationship challenges (small things like lack of communication, sex, and accountability)…
I don’t know what I was thinking when I went to bed – maybe about my choice to not have children at my age? Who knows. But the dream was raw, straight from the heart. It was reality, the brutal honesty and communication I wished I had experienced in my marriage.
Paula's Ponderings 
Paula,
dreams are a complex thing and even at first glance your has more than a simple plot but many layers (like an Ogger). Your ex having a baby is both a question for you and for the man you knew him to be. Though he was able to climb high mountains without oxigen, or what ever he did, from what you have said he is not prepaired for the body and mind altering experiance that child birthing in. Like the first time you were intamate with a person you love, got a real job, had someone you truely respected said you did it better than they ever could, your not in Kansas any more. You are an adult now forever and a parent. Now how you act in almost every respect will determine if you are good at being a parent. This is the land of true emotional experiances.
As I know from both being a parent and seeing the horrible “mistakes” parentrs make, a child does not come with instructions. Plus its all but 24 hours a day job, so there is little time to sit back, take a break and endulge in re-evaluation thinking.
Your dream ex is in for a very rude awakining.
I am one of those that all dreams have some truth in them, even if its 1%. The Ex is choosing to escape from the tough decisions and bringing another person into the world to placte from mecking them. He is not and probably never would heve been ready to have a child even though he is “pregnant”. One is never truely ready and the departure from being self centered, even for a moment, is a hard thing for everyone.
You know your ex better than anyone and have seen him at his worst thus far. I take his kitchen comments to be a confirmation that you are lucky he is your past and not your present or future.
Take the heart palputations that came with the dream as a star that guids you so you can avoid the rocks. Go back to bed, have a sex dream and wake up with a smile for goodness sake. Am sure you have a nice smile don’t forget to use it once in a while.
Harold in Spain
excuse spelling please
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Dreams can be understood in terms of the feeling. When we have a feeling in the present it reminds us of unfinished business from the past and compounds it.
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