It was a very clear, vivid dream. I woke up due to a startled heart, I took a bit of time to catch my breath, but here is what I dreamt.
The EX was having a baby. Yes, he was the one giving birth. He was experiencing all the pregnancy events – doctors visits, excitement with family and friends…. I was not included in this. He was doing all his pregnancy/kid things with his girlfriends (yes, actual girlfriends, but I think it was more to signify friendships…. ) . He was so excited… all a chatter, phone calls to friends, family.. etc.. The EX rarely showed any emotion of any kind the last years of your marriage so this was a very big deal.
So, the dream. We are in the kitchen. The kitchen at the house we lived in (it was a great kitchen), and I shared with him that I was concerned about having a baby becuase our relationship was not on track. You know what he said? That he would rather have the baby than have a relationship with me. Yep – That if he could only have one, he would pick the baby.
I woke up startled… and you know why? Because it was so honest. I think that is exactly how he felt. He wanted a family, he didn’t care who it was with. And he certainly didn’t want to “waste time” working out our relationship challenges (small things like lack of communication, sex, and accountability)…
I don’t know what I was thinking when I went to bed – maybe about my choice to not have children at my age? Who knows. But the dream was raw, straight from the heart. It was reality, the brutal honesty and communication I wished I had experienced in my marriage.