Theft

They Steal Whatever They Want – Part 2

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Ever walked into your home only to find it stripped of your cherished possessions?  Imagine the shock of realizing not only was your home violated, but every piece of my life within it was callously stolen by someone you once trusted and loved. That’s what happened to me, and the culprit? The Ex – Trash. 

Picture returning home after an eight-week absence (due to having to evict Trash from my very own home), accompanied by a constable and a police officer. As you approach your door, you notice the absence of your security measures—cameras, ring doorbell, and lock—all gone. Your heart is beating and you take a deep breath as you brace yourself for the gut-wrenching revelation awaiting beyond that door.

You swing it open, and chaos greets you. Furniture scattered, cherished belongings vanished. The once-beloved space now a haunting reminder of a love turned toxic. Questions echo in your mind: How did he breach this sanctuary? And why? The person you trusted, the one you believed shared your love and trust, has treated you and your belongings with a callous disregard.

The shock is palpable in the images I captured upon re-entering my violated home. It’s no longer a place fit for use or rental. Bookings had to be canceled, and I found myself at TJMaxx, hastily picking up sheets because he stole everything.

I’ve previously shared the heartbreak I felt when I discovered he had stolen all my artwork in “They Steal What You Love—Part 1.” so I won’t rehash this here. This post delves into the broader theft, meticulously documented and reported to the police: Furniture, rugs, bedding, luggage racks, vacuums, towels, and short-term rental essentials—all pilfered. Every single item accounted for with receipts, each one a testament to a breach of trust. The total value of these stolen possessions, cataloged and documented, amounts to $12,690.

Scroll through the ‘Before’ and ‘After’ pictures to witness the stark transformation of my once-beloved home. The list is exhaustive, with just a glimpse provided below. And let it be known that the financial toll went beyond the initial acquisition—every item had to be repurchased to restore the home’s charm, a costly endeavor triggered by Trash’s greedy departure.

Stolen Items from Inside the Home

Items Trash took that did not belong to him, that he took without permission. Just like he did with Lola things.

Stolen Living Room TV and Rug

  • Last  but  certainly  not  least  is  all  home  supplies  like  extra  bedding, STR supplies such as laundry detergent, cleaning supplies, and backup supplies such as towels (regular and beach), silverware, glasses, etc..   
    • 6 x luggage racks Purchased on Amazon
    • 10 beach towels from BB&B, most of them were blue with various patterns. Thicker towels where both sides were the same (I like nice big beach towels)
    • 6 power strips with USB ports – two for every bedroom side table in the house 
    • Vacuum, broom, garbage cans, etc…
Stolen Bedding, Towels, & Supplies
Stolen Supplies, Towels, Bedding, etc.

Stolen Items from Outside the Home

He took more of my stuff than his— this follows suit with the outdoor items as well. When I purchased the home, it of course had zero backyard furniture.  I furnished the backyard to make it swanky and fun – a true entertainers backyard. Well, Trash decided he was welcome to all of it….   Here are a just a few of the items that he took:

  • Outdoor 4 Chair Patio Set with gas heated center table along with 4 sets of cafe lights in the backyard – $2,000+.  a place of relaxation and contemplation, removed from my outdoor sanctuary, along with all the outdoor lighting. Wonder how Nurse N’Poop feels having furniture at her house that Trash and I had sex on….

    • Purchased the patio set from a local store in Chandler Arizona. Store is now closed. Receipt is on my credit card statement.  Outdoor lighting came from Amazon.

Stolen Outdoor Furniture & Lights
Stolen Outdoor Furniture & Lights
  • Wifi enabled landscape timer: yes, he just ripped it right off the wall.. I’m sure you can find this at Nurse N’Poops house too. He purchased it on his Amazon account but used MY Credit Card to pay for it. So I’m sure he’s off showing everyone how he purchased it. Ask him what credit card he used to pay for it. Yep. Mine. B-hyve Smart Indoor/Outdoor Irrigation Controller.

Cost of Repairs

Not only did he steal material items, he damaged my home. He managed to break through the locked door between the garage and laundry room.  While squatting, he also stole:

  • the ring doorbell,
  • the front door Yale lock, and
  • a bunch of Arlo security cameras. 

Not inexpensive items to replace.  This on top of the over $1000 I paid a locksmith to have all the locks replaced twice (before he broke into Chandler and after he was evicted)…  

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Lessons Learned

I of course was shocked when I re-entered the house.  The disarray of the home, all my items missing, all his items stacked up randomly all over the house…  Again, you can see the pictures I took of the home when I re-entered here.   

As it stands, his new girlfriend’s residence is adorned with a collection of items pilfered from his two ex’s (Me and Lola). The audacity he exhibits in helping himself to others’ belongings is nothing short of criminal. It’s a disconcerting display of entitlement, reminiscent of someone who hoards trophies from their misdeeds (like rapists and serial killers). The unsettling truth is, he seems to enjoy causing harm and suffering.

While the scars of betrayal remain, this journey has also fortified my resolve to navigate future relationships with caution and resilience:

  • I will never put any bills in a significant others name; in Arizona, this could be considered as them “living” at the home, which would require you to go through the eviction process to remove your ex from your property.
  • I will never let my day job become so overwhelming that I “hand over” any home or business tasks to my partner. I will hire someone as an employee.
  • I will never again share financial information with a partner; he will never have access to my bank accounts, credit cards, etc..

At this point, I may never live with someone else again. The idea of being together apart, where both partners have their own spaces, may become my new norm. It’s unconventional, but after this costly experience, it might be the way I move forward in future relationships.

2016 – 2022: Lola

PaulasPonderings2 Comments

I met Lola a little over a year ago when I discovered that the furniture in the Chandler home was actually hers. I have come to know Lola this past year, and her story – the chapter that includes Trash – is not only heartbreaking, but also all too familiar.

Lola spent a long time with Trash, how she did it I will never know or understand. They met in October 2015, they stopped seeing each other at the end of 2022. Here are a few key dates/times of Lola’s time with Trash:

  • October 2015 – Lola met Trash online. Yes, he was still married to The Ex-Wife. Yes, he was also living with Betsy. None of which she was not aware of.
  • December 2015 –  She said things didn’t seem right, so she broke up with him.
  • February 2016 – Without any warning, Trash showed up at her house with Gabe. She didn’t know what to do, but he knew how to pull at her heartstrings – the kid.  She made a fatal mistake this day but letting him stay. Her life forever changed for the worse this day, she just didn’t know it yet.
  • March 2016 – Lola went to England on vacation; same time that Trash was thrown in jail overnight for domestic violence.
  • Summer 2016 – Lola found out about Betsy
  • September 2016 – Lola bought her house (go Lola!!)
  • September 2017 – Moved in with Trash and turned her home to an airBnB… 
    • I’m going to assume Trash just pivoted from Betsy’s house to a new house because September 7th 2017 is when Betsy filed her first Order of Protection against Trash.

All in all, they were together until late 2022. Yes, you read that correctly. The entire time I was in a relationship with Trash, he and Lola were still talking, texting, and having sex. The ENTIRE TIME. He told me she was crazy and that he had to block her, he did not do that. He continued to see her, wine and dine her, sleep with her – at my house, in hotels, in Mexico. Did she know about me? Yes she did. And she did it anyway. This is the hardest for me understand – how another woman does another woman like this. I will post about this later, for now, we are going on Lola’s journey of theft and deception with Trash.

2021

March 2021

Now back to 2021. She and Trash were living together at a home he rented. She had sold her home by this time. She was paying him $1000/mo and he was paying the landlord. Except he wasn’t. She received a 3-day “pay or vacate” notification. Trash did not pay and they were evicted. It was clear he was taking HER money and not paying the rent. This was a devastating blow to her as she and her two boys had nowhere to go. She did all the packing and she and Trash put their stuff in the same storage unit. He is the one that purchased the lock, and therefore the only one with the key.

This was his 3rd eviction. He has a total of 4 evictions as of Dec. 2023:

  • October  2022 – Me, Paula.
  • March   2021 – The scenario described above with Lola.
  • September 2017 – he was evicted and left The Ex-Wife home
  • October  2016 – who knows….poor girl…

You can find eviction information on the Arizona Justice Courts casesearch website. I now recommend that ALL women research any person they plan to see/date BEFORE they meet up in person. Had I known to do my research, I definitely would have NOT gone out with Trash.

He is a prime example of a hobosexual: ”Someone who enters into a relationship to prevent themselves from being homeless“. 

Anywhoo, the point is, he created this chaos, and in this chaos he took advantage of her. Why she went back to him after this and/or continued to see him is beyond me. Another story for another time.

Fast forward to November 2021. 

November 2021

The Chandler House

I had purchased the home in Chandler in October 2021 as a short term rental. He said he had furniture in storage and I would be doing him a favor by letting him furnish the new home. I didn’t want to do it as we have very different taste in furniture. He told me if I loved him I would do it, it would be a favor to him; and what did I care, it was a rental, not our home… I begrudgingly went along with it. BIG MISTAKE.  He had all the furniture moved to the house BEFORE I ever saw the house. When I walked in, I was right – it was not good. It had a bad energy, I didn’t like it at all. I had multiple conversations with him about moving it out…. I was really in an awkward position and did not like how I felt or how I was being treated. This is a perfect example of how I didn’t stand my ground – I just went “with the flow” because I was too busy working and I didn’t want to fight.

A particularly harrowing experience for Lola was when Trash was at the Chandler house in November 2021, I was still in Salt Lake City UT, heading down Arizona within days. Trash and Lola were still texting, meeting up, having sex, all that jazz. I was NOT aware of this at the time. Well, at some point he was at the Chandler house, she was aware he had cleared out the storage room and wanted some of her things back. He invited her to the Chandler house… when she walked into the home, she was stunned to see all of her stuff. She wanted to take it. He got mad at her, hit her, then dragged her out of the house by her hair and arms. He called the police and when they showed up he wanted her arrested for trespassing. They would NOT arrest her for trespassing because she showed them the text exchange between she and Trash where he clearly invited her over. She wanted to file a police report for theft and for attacking her, but they told her, “if you do that you are both going to jail”. She had two young boys at home and couldn’t go to jail…. so she left with her TV and massive scrapes and bruises. I have seen the pictures – her hands and wrists were dark purple and red… her entire back had a road rash, much like motorcyclists get when they fall and skid across the pavement. This is so infuriating to me on several notes:

  1. This is another example of how the police do NOT protect, and if anything, they support the abuser vs. the victim. 
  2. I wished she would have reached out to me. I would have made sure all of her belongings were returned to her.

Please note, I was not made aware of this until AFTER I broke up with Trash and had him evicted from the home – so a year later, November 2022. When I finally got back into the home, a friend of Lola’s reached out to me and let me know that the stuff in my house was Lola’s. My heart broke for her. I was going to donate it all, instead, I reached out to her. She came over, identified what was hers, and we agreed I would sell it and give her the proceeds. Which I did. 

But the storage unit items was NOT all he stole from her. He stole so much more — and took it down to Mexico.

March 2021 through 2022

Mexico

Where do I even begin. When they were together, she purchased and sold her home turned airBnB. Together they moved the contents of her airBnB to Mexico – first to the Mirador townhouse, then into the home that he purchased right before I met him – The Costa Diamante house. He sold her the same dream he sold me – that they would live together in Mexico in that house. She believed him.  When he started dating me in April 2021, she realized they would not be together in Mexico and that she wanted her stuff back.

She continued to ask for it back. She had a trailer lined up and people that would help her load it and drive it back to the USA. He would on one hand tell her to get her shit, he would give her days that she could come and get it, then go radio silent. She would go down to Mexico to get it, then he would NOT give her the code to enter the places to get it. He made it impossible for her to get her stuff… He basically stole the contents of an entire 2 bedroom house from a single mother of two kids – dispersed it to all his different places, and refused to return it:

  • Costa Diamante house (where we lived) was just sold with all her stuff in it – very nice refrigerator, kitchen appliances, bedding, etc..
  • Mirador townhouse has all of her dishes, more appliances, a lot of bedding, clothing for her and her children, etc..
  • Princesa condo now has all of her very nice outdoor furniture. He moved it from Costa Diamante to the condo when he sold the house. See below.

Lola was not and is not in the position to fight for the return of her items. She had to write it off. It’s been extremely hard for her — because she lost everything, she basically now rents a room from a friend to live in. When she is able to get back on her feet again, she will have to start over from scratch. And we all know furniture, bedding, kitchen supplies, etc.. are not cheap.

Summary

Trash feels entitled to things that are not his. He has zero conscience or remorse for the harm he causes other people or the disaster he leaves in his wake. He is a sociopath and it’s only a matter of time before he steals from or harms someone else.

Ladies, do not let this be you. Do NOT, for any reason, give anything to a man. There is no reason. He should be providing for himself. I wished someone would have given me this advice before and during my time with Trash. But they didn’t. So both Lola and I are here to tell you – DO NOT GIVE YOUR MONEY OR ITEMS to any man, ever. 

Financial Abuse is Real

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I was speaking to a friend of mine, who also dated a man who took advantage of her financially. She bought a house and hired him as a contractor to work on the home. She paid him $$ to do this work. He also lived with her, in the home, rent free. When they broke up, she gave him time to move out of the house. He declined to move out. He hired a lawyer and sued her for 1/2 of the house that SHE BOUGHT with her money. So he was NOT on on the title/deed or mortgage, had not contributed a dime to the home, was NOT paying rent, WAS receiving compensation for his work. How did it work out? She ended up having to pay him off – she paid $60k to get him to slither out of her life. Imagine that – a guy wants to use the court system to get what he think he is rightfully owed, when he put NOTHING into the asset. I feel for my friend.

After this conversation, and in preparation for my civil suit, I put together a financial impact statement to better understand the financial impact of dating Trash for 16 months. The amount? $127,311.93. Everything here has a receipt to back it up. This ONLY includes money associated with his deceit beginning June 2023.


Let’s go through each category shall we?

Business Interference

I have lost income directly due to Trash’s actions. This includes:

  • 10.14.22 – I had to cancel a short term booking at the AZ Chandler house because I was in the middle of the eviction process resulting in a loss of $ 1,430.62.
  • Trash called/emailed AirBnB in late July 2023 (almost a year post breakup) and reported my Mexico B509 Condo as fraudulent / duplicate. AirBnB cancelled all the reservations. There were two at the time:
    • 7.29.23 – 2 night reservation, resulting in a loss of $ 579.69.
    • 8.18.23 – 8 night reservation, resulting in a loss of $ 1,460.64.

His actions have consequences – it’s called Tortious Interference. AirBnb has admitted that he did this. We will be amending the Civil Suit to include damages for his interference.

Repairs

Repairs include anything and everything that I had to REPAIR after he broke into my AZ Chandler House and MX Condo. What did he damage/steal:

  • damaged the Jandy pool filtering system,
  • he stole the WIFI enabled landscape timer, which had to be replaced and installed
  • The door between the garage and laundry room that had to be replaced, installed, etc
  • The $$ for the locksmiths to change the locks 2x!
  • The replacement and installation of outdoor lighting and cameras he stole
  • He stole two industrial / commercial grade hoses
  • The replacement of Ring doorbells and keyless entry door locks

Fraud

NOTE, I was reimbursed by the credit card company, but the total loss for just fraudulent credit card charges is $6,941.56 ($5,883.94 + $1057.62). I filed 2 police reports with Chandler police, one for each card.

Business Credit Card (4757) – $5,883.94. This is the total amount he charged on my card without authorization between June 29th – August 25 2022. He was using my business credit card to entertain other women, including Lola and Nurse N’Poop, purchasing stuff on Amazon, purchasing gas for his truck, taking people out… He had the audacity to purchase new AC units for the Mexico house, on my credit card on August 15th 2022. So starts dating Nurse N’Poop in June 2022 and has the balls to charge $2,069.00 worth of assets on my business card for his house!

This is not just me calling it fraud. I filed a fraud claim with Bank of America – they agreed with me and credited my account.

Personal Credit Card (7767) – $1,057.62 . When I cut him off from the business card, he began using ANOTHER card, 7767, to charge things. So in the first few weeks of September 2022, he racked up $1057.62 in fraudulent charges. I did not know he still had the card, he was supposed to cut it up/not use it. He didn’t use it for many months – only AFTER he was cut off from the business card did he start using the personal credit card. Meaning he did it with purpose, he knew what he was doing. Details of this are in a previous post – Credit Card Fraud — Part 1 . Bank of America agreed this was fraud and credited my account for all the charges.

Theft

$32,601.67. This is what I can account for – meaning I have the receipts of the original purchase or cash withdrawl/transfer. Yes, I poured through credit card statements and purchase websites (Amazon, Overstock, etc). It include 3 primary areas:

  • $22,591.59 – Replacement of all items he stole from both the AZ Chandler home and the MX B509 Condo.
  • $6,010.08 – My money that he stole from the safe in the MX house. It was reimbursement of the charges Trash put on my credit card. He purchased a bunch of TV’s and alcholol for bars in MX on my card – he said he forgot his card in MX and asked if he could use my card. I said yes. Once he installed them and was paid, he gave me the money, which I put in the safe. I checked that the money was there before we left town on June 20th 2022. The money was in the safe. I had contemplated taking it with me, but chose not too, as it’s expensive to withdraw USD from an ATM in Mexico. When I went to get my things from the MX house in September 2022, he had taken all the money. We are the only two that knew the code to the safe – so it was definitely him who stole it.
  • $4000 – Money I gave to him to give the the MX RV Painter that he spent elsewhere. When I returned to MX in September 2022 to get my things, the RV guy was livid that he hadn’t been paid and threatened to sell the RV if he was not paid. I had to scramble around for 2 days to get enough cash to pay the painter so he didn’t sell the RV. Luckily I was able to VENMO money to friends that were headed to MX and get the money to the painter before he sold the RV.

Deception

$35,469.87 – yes, this is a doozy. This is split into the following categories:

CategoryAmountNotes
Car Rental$1,127.37When Trash left Kanab for MX, I had to rent a car to get around and get to SLC.
Move$7,482.08This is the cost of the move from SLC to Arizona and the cost to move furniture from my rentals to Arizona to replace items Trash had stolen from the AZ Chandler house.
Audi Repairs / Enhancements$1,211.49I thought the Audi was mine, so I paid for new tires and added a hitch to the vehicle so I could tow my trailer from SLC to MX. I clearly would NOT have done this if I thought that a) the car was not mine, or b) that he was with someone else.
Lost Income$14,230.00I had to take a month of unpaid leave to deal with his violence and shenanigans post-breakup.
MX Kitchen Remodel*

$11,418.93This is the money I either paid to Trash directly to pay the contractor OR money I paid, on my credit card for supplies.

I want to point out that the MX Kitchen remodel, we agreed to each pay 50%. He told me that the total was going to be $16,000. After we broke up, the contractor told me the total cost of the MX Kitchen remodel was $8,000. You got that right – he lied to me about the total cost of the remodel so that I would pay it all.

Also note, that we were NOT supposed to start the remodel until I returned, but he insisted we start it before I left. I was not comfortable with this, but I didn’t stick to my guns on it. So he had already been communicating and hanging out with the new GF when we went to the hardware store and purchased $2,595.52 worth of supplies (6/14/22 and 6/20/22).

The kitchen remodel story should be a post all on its own, it is so deceptive and egregious.

Legal Misc

This includes the following:

  • $14,985.50 – Eviction Judgement and the Order of Protection Legal fees reimbursement.
  • $40,000.00+ – legal fees I’ve incurred since filing the civil suit to protect myself against Trash. Money I would NEVER have had to spend had he done the right thing.

Lessons Learned

I have learned so much about myself in this fiasco.

  • I was obviously far too trusting with my money. It just never occurred to me that a significant other would be so deceptive and actually steal from the person that they claim to love.
  • I also came to the realization that I didn’t think I had anything to steal. I never thought of myself as wealthy, of possessing the kind of money that would make me a target for conmen like Trash.

I now know that I am lucky, that I do have funds that people want to steal/take and/or feel entitled to. Moving forward, in any relationship, here is my course of action:

  • NOT share my financial state with anyone.
  • Give access to my credit cards or business accounts to anyone, ever.
  • I will NEVER invest in another persons property/asset. If you want me to invest, put me on title.
  • Simplify my life so that I do not “forget” how much cash I give someone. Or better yet, take responsibility for MY STUFF, never counting on someone to own a project (RV, House Remodel, etc) on my behalf.
  • Reduce the amount of properties I have so I can manage them by myself, without help from a significant other.

Be careful out there peeps. It’s a dangerous world.