Paula's Ponderings

O.k. so most of you have reached out with the same reaction and question to my recent Hawaii experience:

1. “the trip sounded horrible”!
2. “where did you leave it” with Chicken Legs? 

First and foremost, I should have given a bit more background of the trip BEFORE going off on the things that didn’t work.  Chicken Legs is a very interesting and smart person. I do enjoy spending time with him. WE enjoyed each others company, had great conversations, had fun at all of our outdoor activities – snorkeling, hiking, just walking the Waikiki beach, eating out.  We are in-synch when it comes to all the other “stuff”.  I am a slow mover when it comes to “riding bikes” (TradeMarked by GGD) together…  so it’s not odd for me to NOT have slept with this guy… and given everything else that we enjoy together, it’s not a stretch to think we would have a good time “riding bikes”..    So, please do not feel bad for me,  my trip to Hawaii was a good one. 

So, now, where did I leave it with Chicken Legs.  We are fine – friends in my head.  I think know, he thinks we are a couple now.  I know this because he has called me every night since we’ve gotten home, he tries to call me his girlfriend and I’ve corrected him.   During all of our time together, I’ve been very clear with him about the following:

• I am not interested in being in an exclusive relationship
• Having sex does NOT mean we are exclusive
• I am not interested in having love in my life
• I am not interested in getting/being married again

All of these things are true when it comes to Chicken Legs.  I think if I met the right person, one I experienced the 3 H’s with,  none of these statements would be true.  MY POINT IS, I’m not leading Chicken Legs on, I’ve been very open and honest with how I feel about us.  I think he is hoping for more… behaving as if there already is more, just in case I change my mind.  So, I’ve been straight up with Chicken Legs, but I think given the way he is acting/behaving, we need to have a talk.  I don’t know when I will see him again (he’s been out-of-town for work, and now is home with his boys for the next week, then I leave for a work trip)..

So, I know what needs to happen, I need to have another conversation with Chicken Legs and let him know that we are just friends.  No benefits.  And if he doesn’t want to be just friends, well then…  I will miss his friendship.

One last clarification about my Hawaii experience rant.  The “I’m sorry” comment.  All three men I’ve been with since my divorce, all of them, in my opinion, have been verbally assaulted and emotionally abused by their Ex’s.   They have all gotten to the point where they have to apologize for everything… every little thing.  The reason I was so harsh on Chicken Legs is because I don’t want to be the person that causes him to say I’m sorry all the damn time.  I’m an easy-going, relaxed individual who doesn’t expect perfect.  I want better for Chicken Legs, and all of “my men”.  I want the men in my life to feel freedom of being themselves, of being confident in who they are and how they do it.  I want them to relax and have fun with me…. not spend all their time being concerned that they are going to do/done something wrong.

So that’s it…  that’s where I’m at.