Breaking Up Is Soooo Easy.

equinox-website-logoAhh.. not a boyfriend, but a gym – Equinox.   They keep emailing me to rejoin…. some sort of nurture campaign.  If they only knew why we broke up, they wouldn’t be trying to court me again.  So I decided to tell them – below is my request for them to stop emailing/calling me –

You don’t know me, I “broke up” with Equinox before you came aboard.
The reason I broke up with you is because your club was less than accepting/engaging/encouraging of members outside of your target audience – the non-working wives of rich men.  I, not being in that club, had a difficult time finding classes that were interesting and engaging at reasonable hours (10am is NOT reasonable for a working woman)… 
I worked with your staff for over a year, and even paid dues even though I never attended classes at your club. Why? Because I wanted to be there, I just didn’t have the work schedule that matched your class offerings.  I hoped to one day get back to the club…. 
 After a year of not attending a class, I asked one of your membership counselors for a “freeze” in my membership until I could get to a place where I could enjoy your facility again.  The woman in charge said “absolutely not” and made no attempt to help me in my difficult time (I moved from a work-from-home position to a must-show-up-in-the-office position).. Needless to say, I had to cancel my membership.  Spending $160/mo for absolutely nothing in return is not a wise financial decision.
And now you email me.  As flattered as I am that you want me back, I’m not interested.  I still have a very bad taste in my mouth about the last experience I had with one of your “counselors”.  Your emails only serves as a reminder of this bad experience.  
So for now, I would  appreciate it if you remove me from your mailing list/ add me to your do not contact list.  When I get a job with more schedule flexibility, marry a millionaire, and/or can retire completely, I will think about joining your club again.
Until then, I wish you luck in your member recruitment.
And that was it. It was that easy.  Practice makes perfect.  🙂
Update 12-8-2014:  This was my breakup letter. I got a response from Equinox saying he would remove me from their mailing list.. however, this is not the case. I just received another email from them, sharing with me the special “zero initiation” fee offer they have going on now.  As fabulous as this sounds, I again asked to be removed from their mailing list.  I know, I’m a hot commodity.  Nice to know someone wants me.  😉