Grrrrhhh. O.k. So for whatever reason, I’ve received numerous emails this week from past work associates asking me why I’ve gone back to my maiden name. These are folks still work with the Ex…I would love it if they would just ask him. I know that the Ex and I were not doing well, but here are the turn of events that broke the camel’s back:
- 2008 – Feb. – I went to Utah for two weeks to get two rental properties ready to sell. I lost my job. I decided to stay longer than the 2 weeks originally scheduled (why not, I’d lost my job).
- 2008 – Early March – I was at one of my condo’s, cleaning it up to put it on the market, began looking for a job, learned to snowboard, drank to much, cried to much, saw family. One friend came to visit me. I ASKED the EX to join me anytime, he was always too busy (you’ll see with what in a minute).
- 2008 – Late March – I got a job, start date was middle of April. The Ex came to visit me, said he wanted to make our relationship work. I thought we decided together that we wanted the marriage to work. I was sorely mistaken. What I think he meant to say was “please so no, I like someone else”.
- 2008 – Early April – I arrived back in CA, ready to give our marriage another go (for what seemed like the 100th time). The Ex and I had several “work” trips planned but I thought we agreed to work around it. He took a “business trip”.. I then used this same suitcase for my trip. My trip was to Dallas for my new job. As I packed my things into the suitcase, I found a condom. I asked the Ex about it. Here were his excuses:
- “Its one of ours”. My response: “No, its not, I checked. And we haven’t had sex in ages, which is one of my issues with this marriage”.
- “Someone else put it there”. My response: “I found the condom on the INSIDE of the bag. Who would have access to put the condom on the inside?” I remember thinking to myself, Um, yeah, that’s what TSA folks do to have a good laugh – stick condoms in random people’s bags.
The fact is, he was lying. He was cheating and he was lying about it. As the Ex drove me to the airport for my trip (yes, mere minutes after finding the condom), I said I was done. And I was. The drama was so unnecessary. He wanted to be somewhere else – go for it. There was no argument from the Ex about the separation. We just put the house on the market, sold it, and moved on.
Funny story, we were still living together, I think it was sometime in May of 2008 (around my birthday I believe), the Ex marked his FaceBook profile as Single. Email/alerts went out to everyone… close friends, colleagues, family, etc.. Here we were, still living together, and he wanted to make sure someone knew he was available. I brought it to his attention, he apologized, but the damage was done.
Anyway, I don’t know his timeline after this. What I do know is that the Ex must have been busy “entertaining” without his condoms, because he got a co-worker pregnant. He now lives in Miami with his baby mama (who also happened to be married to someone else at the time…).
Why do I take the time to explain this now? Because for whatever reason, I just received multiple emails from colleagues that don’t know we are divorced. As with anything, word does get around. I also wish I could send a link to this posting to everyone and just say, “here is the story”, but I don’t want to blow my cover. But this is the truth.
I am frustrated that this is a part of my life, the fact that I’m am in any way, shape, or form part of the Ex’s drama. It didn’t have to be this way – but it is because he was a coward with me. Strong words, I know. Just really frustrated right now.
Lesson learned for me:
- I will not and do not let this experience define me. I love men, I think there are a lot of good ones out there, I just didn’t pick one the first time around. So be it. There is always a next time.
- Actions speak louder than words. I will always pay attention to actions. If the actions don’t meet their words, then I’m moving on. Hope is for the birds. As a friend once said to me, “If a guy wants to be with you, he will show up”.
And thats all she said…. for now. 😉
Paula's Ponderings 