Survival lately has seemed like a struggle. I have strived for the very best, but right now, it seems like I’m asking for too much. Sometimes I wished I could just compromise.. and let go, cut corners, be the same as everyone else. I wonder if I’m just expecting too much… and should just let go of what I want/need (safe housing, loving and paticipative partner, fantastic lover, etc. ) and get what I can.
As of right now, my pity party has lasted exactly 6 full days. I’ve been walking around, all depresso, feeling sorry for myself. It will be a week this Wednesday. I’m not one for a pity party, so i’m getting sick of myself (its as if I am starting to stink.. you know?). If I were my friend I would have lost patience on Friday…
So, just like My List (of charming attributes) I’ve created a Contract with Myself (and of course posted it for all to see) remind myself of what is reasonable to want/need and what I need to focus on. a list to remind me of what kind of person I want to be. My depresso attitude is frankly, boring me right now.
I have had reached my limit of cocktails for this evening (yes, I know, bad grammer, but it goes to show that I have indeed have had too much to drink), so I’m heading to bed early. I’m focused on making tomorrow and all the following days better. I realize that there are many others that are better off than I am…. and as envious as I am of the rich, beautiful, and gifted, I do have all my limbs and I’m NOT living in Afganistan right now… these are things to be grateful for.
Paula's Ponderings 