So, last weekend I woke up with a swollen eye. My right eye was completely swollen shut due to two mosquito bites – one on the inside of the eye, another on the outside of the eye. Swollen shut. It itched like crazy, but after looking at it, I decided to put ice on it instead of scratching it… it helped, the eye swelling reduced by 50%, but still very noticable.
Bottom line, I woke up fugly. Went to bed normal, woke up fugly. And I stayed fugly for 2 days (friends might say 1 day, but the eye was NOT quite back to normal the second day)….
Given my new state, fugly, I decided I was not going anywhere. My friend Katie convinced me to go with her to a few stores…. I’m glad I did, for the sheer purpose of learning how self-conscious I am when I dont look like my normal self. My normal self, my looks, are average, I’ve got some pluses, but some minuses too… they all even out so that I’m average…. what I’ve really got going for me is my sparkling personality… this is what pushes me into above average. 🙂
Anyway, I was surprised how less confident, self-conscious I felt with my deformity. I swear, people were staring at me…. I would look at them, I swear they were doing a double take…. I was very conscious of it – first glance, sweeping view just to make sure you dont ‘bump carts’… but then, then there was a second look….. the stare down, like they are trying to figure out what is wrong, where is the disfigurement…. at that second look I would look down, knowing that I was unworthy… when I ran into someone (which happens when you only look down), I would say sorry (which I am totally against)..
I was exhausted by the end of the day (we were a the store for maybe an hour)… it took a lot of work to be self-conscious and fugly. Katie invited me to a party, of course that was NOT going to happen. I stayed home, nursed my wounds….
I did wake up Sunday almost as good as new, but effected by the experience. I am completely back to normal now, but there isn’t a day that has gone by that I dont think about it. Makes me wonder if I’m really as self-confident as I think I am, because I feel like if I was, a swollen eye wouldn’t have had such an effect on me.
I did take pictures of my eye, and once I get enough confidence and/or courage to share them, I will post pictures to this blog. Its bad peeps, very bad. When it becomes funny, I’ll post it.