TRIGGER WARNING: Post includes details about Spousal and Child Abuse.
The Ex-Wife met Trash while living in Israel when she was 18. It was an arranged marriage set up by Trash’s mother. The second time they met, they married. She was 19, he was 29. They married in 1999. After they were married, he flew her to the United States to live with him on the East Coast. She had never traveled before, did not speak English, did not drive, didn’t understand money or finances. She is muslim and grew up in a Muslim country where men are allowed to treat women horribly. Trash kept up with this tradition. They had two kids quickly, then another one, Gabe, 7 years later. Much isn’t known about why they left the East Coast for Arizona, rumors has it that he was having an affair with a married woman and the husband found out so he fled town with the family to Arizona.
When they arrived in Arizona, Trash carried on with his philandering ways. In 2013, Ex-Wife discovered that he was cheating on her with “the Russian”. How? He told her he was in Flagstaff, but she tracked the car to an apartment building a few miles away from their house. Why did she need to get a hold of him so urgently? At the time, Trash was breeding puppies. Someone left the backdoor open and the puppies escaped and drown in the pool. The kids had found the dead puppies and were hysterical. She called him to come home – he said he was in Flagstaff and couldn’t come home, but in reality he was around the corner with another woman she calls “the Russian”.
This is when she decided she needed to get out. But she didn’t know how. Trash didn’t give her access to any of the bank accounts, he forbade her to drive, she didn’t even have a key to her own home. She was determined to get out — She focused on learning English and saving the spare change she collected from the couch and his pockets.
In May 2015 she filed for divorce after an abusive episode. She told me she was very scared – Trash told her she would be deported if she divorced him. He had already moved out of the house and was living with his then girlfriend Betsy. This is an excerpt from her 2015 Petition for Divorce:
Trash convinced her to not file so she dismissed the case. She told me she was very scared and that he told her that if she divorced him she would be deported and never see her children again. So she dismissed the case and basically became a woman he would beat and berate whenever he felt like it as he knew she would not call the police and risk losing her kids.
In March 2016 he stopped by the house to pick up Gabe for baseball, they got into an argument. He dragged her out of the house by her hair. He threw her clothes away. The police were called. Trash was arrested for Disorderly Conduct – Disruptive Behavior, Disorderly Conduct – Language/Gesture, Interference with Court Order / Violation of Court Order.. Here is an excerpt from the report:
He pled guilty to domestic violence, spent ONE night in Jail, and was fined. This was marked as his first offense, but it was not his first time he abused his wife, it was the first time he was caught (As mentioned in the Report above, The Ex-Wife did NOT call the police when these incidents took place because she was told, by a Judge that she would be arrested if she did). Make it make sense that this is all he gets for physically assaulting his now Ex-Wife.
Basically, Trash moved out of the marital house in 2014 and began living with his girlfriend Betsy. Unbeknowst to The Ex-Wife at the time is that he ALSO stopped paying the mortgage, taxes, and insurance on the home. This was confirmed by the lien holder (David) via email 2 years later:
So basically Trash up and left his wife and kids, and left them with nothing, but stopped by the house, for years, to abuse and harass her. The police knew he was bad news – there are 7 Scottsdale police reports in 2016 alone. The courts knew he was bad news… But they all did nothing. He was left to continue to abuse and torment his Ex-Wife and kids unabashed. The system failed The Ex-Wife.
May 2021 was when he stopped paying child support and alimony. He did however have money to purchase real estate (2 properties in Mexico). So its not that he didn’t have it, he just chose to leave his Ex-Wife and Children without the resources to live.
August of 2022 is when CPS took over the care of Gabe. Ex-Wife finally got the courage to cut off communication with Trash and would no longer answer the phone. Trash’s only communication method at the moment is Email, so the abuse is minimum as he knows it is documented and can be used against him.
In 2023 CPS garnished Trash’s bank accounts to pay for the back child support. He was livid – he continued to call and harrass The Ex-Wife to sign a document stating he overpaid and give him back the money. CPS did NOT give the money to The Ex-Wife. They kept it to pay for Gabe’s care now that he is a ward of the state.
In July 2023 The Ex-Wife filed a Petition to Enforce Spousal Maintenance as he is almost $30k in arrears. The pre-hearing was in September; hearing date was agreed upon by all parties to take place in November. Both she and Trash got the same instructions for submitting exhibits and filing the correct documentation – Notice of Issues and Pre-Hearing Statement. A woman who speaks English as a second language, has zero financial resources made the time to learn about the requirements, shared exhibits with Trash via email and the Court via CaseLines, and completed and filed the correct documentation. She was prepared for the hearing. Trash, who speaks English as his first language, is technically savvy, knows how the system works as he has manipulated it for years – did absolutely nothing. He spent his time traveling through Europe and partying in Mexico with Nurse Nincompoop (Nurse N’Poop for short). No doubt his plan was to waltz into the hearing and manipulate the court (and intimidate The Ex-Wife with documents and points that are irrelevant). His plan was thwarted when the Judge changed the hearing to be online via Microsoft Teams as he had been exposed to COVID. He had zero excuse for not being prepared. Instead of being held in contempt of court, he was awarded an extension. The Judge gave him another change to get his “evidence” in. The hearing in was rescheduled; it is now Feb. 2024. I see this as all so unnecessary – All he has to do is pay her back spousal arrears as defined in the divorce decree. She came prepared to court in November – he did not. He asked for an extension and was granted one. Mind boggling. He should have been fined/arrested for contempt of court. This is just another way the current justice system fails women.
I put 2024 in the heading, because there is no doubt that the harassment will continue into next year. The Spousal Maintenance hearing is in February 2024. Gabe is still under CPS care so Trash can contact the state if he wants to make amends with his son (he has made zero effort to do so), but once Gabe is returned to his mother, if he doesn’t do as CPS requires (therapy, etc) he will not be allowed to see his child.
The Ex-Wife is still grappling with the damage caused by one man. She has no education and English is her second language, making it difficult to financially support her family on her close to minimum wage income. She is still afraid to reach out for help as she does not trust the police or the court system. She does not have many friends; she keeps to herself. She is the primary caregiver for all her children, who they themselves have issues due to growing up in an abusive household. Life has not been easy for The Ex-Wife.
I find her story horrific on so many levels. Systematic abuse, financial abuse, in addition to the physical, mental, and emotional abuse she endured by the person who was supposed to protect her. It breaks my heart. But I have come to know this woman – she is a pillar of strength and courage. She is one of the kindest, most thoughtful people I know. It is an odd circumstance to be friends with your ex’s Ex-Wife, but we have formed a friendship, and I am glad we have overcome the weirdness and are able to support each other.
She was barely existing when I met her, so afraid of everything (Trash, the courts, people, the police, etc). She is now learning and growing. She now has the confidence to face difficult and scary things (courts, CPS). She is learning to stand up for herself. She is taking advantage of resources available to her (https://freshstartwomen.org/). She is taking courses to better understand the court system, she is learning about domestic violence and learning to take better care of herself. She is even learning how to use a computer!
The Ex-Wife has faced enormous obstacles – and is overcoming them to be a stronger person and a great mom to her kids. She is an inspiration to me – She is a true survivor.
Paula's Ponderings 