Paula's Ponderings

I do not know Betsy. I have not meet her. I have her contact information but I have not reached out to her as I do not want to re-traumatize her.

Betsy is a beautiful single mother of 3 kids, 2 daughters and 1 son. She is a slender brunette with beautiful brown eyes. Her kids are all grown up now and are beautiful as well. Based on the family photos she has on Facebook, they seem to be a close-knit family.

I’m guessing Betsy and Trash met in 2013. I assume they met through the dating apps. They started living together in 2014 according to The Ex-Wife and court documents. Yes, Trash was still very married to his now Ex-Wife and had 3 kids at home (he filed for divorce in 2016. Divorce was final in January of 2018).

Here is what Trash told me about Betsy:

• She is/was a manager at a large retail store, had a good job and was well respected.
• She doesn’t keep house; he had to pay for a cleaner in order to stay/live at her house.
• She was insecure and had issues with trust.
• She was obsessed with him and started stalking him when they broke up.
• She let her kids disrespect him.

One story he shared with me was when I was living with him (2022) and we were visiting a new-to-me neighborhood in Rocky Point Mexico. As we were driving and walking around, he shared the following story with me: He said that he had stayed a long weekend with Betsy at this location and they fought a lot while on that trip because she was insecure. I asked him if he had cheated on her, he was adamant he didn’t. He did say that he was on a break from Lola and JustineB when he hooked up with Betsy. Then he went back to one of these girls (not sure who). Betsy was upset about him not wanting to be with her that she began stalking him.

I had NEVER heard of anything like this. Clearly I lived a sheltered, drama free life because this was so shocking to me. A) who does this – breaks up and gets back together with people, and B) who gets back together with an ex?!!?!

So what now makes a lot more sense and is backed up by documentation:

• He was with Betsy. Betsy thought they were in an exclusive relationship.
• He “Broke up”(in his mind) with Betsy to be with Lola and/or JustineB. I doubt Betsy thought they were broken up.
• Then he “broke up” with Lola and/or JustineB to be with Betsy for this weekend. I’m sure that Trash said things to indicate they were getting back together. My guess is after this weekend, Betsy found out about the other two ladies, and broke up with Trash for good.

Basically, he was with Betsy and was seeing Lola and JustineB at the same time (triangulation). In speaking with Lola, he would go back and forth between the ladies. Given this, I think the truth is, that Betsy was NOT aware of his activities with other ladies, and when she found out, she kicked him out sometime in 2017. He harassed and threatened to the point she was able to successfully get an Order of Protection (OOP) against him.

I know this because I found a second OOP in 2018 that stated she had an OOP in 2017. How did I get this document? When I evicted Trash from my home in 2022, he didn’t take his stuff (he took mine). Since he didn’t pick it up, it was mine to dispose of as I saw fit. My lawyer told me the court would look favorably upon me if I went through his stuff and returned “sentimental items“. So yes, not only was I heartbroken, in shock, but I was being told I needed to go through all of Trash’s shit and determine what was sentimental to him and save it so I could return it.

What did I find? I found several documents that made my skin crawl. Why? Because I discovered what he was doing to me he had done the same thing to someone else (Pattern of Behavior). It was all new to me – having to use the court to remove someone from your property, file for an Order of Protection to protect myself. But clearly this was old school for Trash – he had done the same thing to other people… one of those people: Betsy.

So, in 2017 Betsy found out that Trash was cheating on her with multiple people while she thought they were in an exclusive relationship. She broke up with him. He harassed and threatened her. She filed and was granted an Order of Protection (OOP) in 2017.

In 2018, Trash reaches out to her just before the 2017 OOP expires, acting like nothing was wrong and then threatens her and her kids when she won’t talk to him or do what he requests. She files for and is granted another OOP.

Sept. 2018: Trash Vs. Betsy – Order of Protection (2nd one)

• Sept 2017 – Betsy files and is granted an Order of Protection (OOP) against Trash.
• Aug 2018 – a year later, Trash reaches out to Betsy. She states she filed and was granted an OOP in Sept 2017. She details out that he contacts her, threatens her, and disparages her name on his FB groups. Here is Betsy’s OOP, which was granted:

So what does Trash do? He files Injunction against Harassment against her AFTER she files the 2nd OOP. HE USES THE COURT SYSTEM TO HARASS a woman who clearly wants nothing to do with him. Check out the dates and his state of mind – HE portrays himself as the victim:

So basically, he uses the court system (by filing an Injunction against harassment (IAH)) and social media to retaliate against someone that just wants to be left alone. He takes it a step further and instigates his flying monkeys to further harass her.

I was in shock reading these documents. At the time I found these documents, Trash was doing the very same thing to me! I was back in Arizona after the eviction was upheld and had just filed for my own OOP against him when I learned that he filed an OOP while I was in Mexico, painting himself as the victim, and trying to get “exclusive access” to MY home (in an attempt to mute the eviction). I had no idea how to navigate the system, and clearly he knew all too well how to use the justice system to further hurt his victims. What he was doing to me was EXACTLY what he had done to Betsy years earlier. My heart broke for Betsy.

I do want to reach out to her. Let her know that she is not alone, that she just ran into a monster who actively deceived her. But it’s been 6 years since her experience, I’m sure she has moved on from this part of her life. Hopefully she is living her best life, thanking God she didn’t end up with a monster like him.

What we do know is that he has a pattern of behavior:

• he will lie and manipulate women to get what he wants
• he will use the system to try and further hurt his victims
• he will disparage his victims on social media and insight flying monkeys to also harass and intimidate his victims
• He will NOT take accountability for any of his behaviors or actions
• he is violent and safety needs to be a top priority for anyone around him

So while I was still in shock (Oct. 2022) with everything going on in my life, It did help me understand that I was dealing with someone who has done what he did to me to at least one other person; that he was experienced with the system and understood how to manipulate it to get what he wants. I knew after reading these documents, that I needed to educate myself quickly. I also was re-traumatized about the break-ins.. made me realize that I was in far more danger that I even knew. Thank God guns are not allowed in Mexico.