I have no idea what is next. I have been unemployed for 10 days. The longest I have been unemployed since I was 15. I have spent this last week thinking about things. My mind is a mess.. but I have tried to stay focused, to focus on what is important to me – my nieces. They are only 6 and 8 once.. and they still idolize me. But my mind wonders and I get very anxious – I get overwhelmed by the enormity of it all. The fact that:
1 – I don’t have a job
2 – that I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up (or I do, but it isn’t what I’m currently skilled at)
3 – that I have zero motivation to get back “into the (software) game”.
My main goal at this moment is to stay focused in the present with my nieces. This is where I am spending most of my energy right now.
So my life is not orderly right now (I know, very nice way of putting it right?!?). The odd part for me is all about men – in the last 10 days, I have had 2 men ask me out. I know. I have been semi-ready to date again, and just as I get comfortable with this, my life turns upside down. I met both men while employed – I met them 8 and 3 months ago. What is interesting is that they both reached out to me just last week – within hours of each other. It is strange to me – had one or both of them reached out to me months ago things could be very different. Now that I’m unemployed and not sure about my future, it doesn’t seem like the right time to start something – What if I decide to move to Turkey? What if I move to Utah…? What if I decide to do nothing and collect unemployment for 56 weeks? My point is, now seems like the wrong time to start dating.
What are your thoughts? Seems like the most important thing for me right now is to figure my shit out….
Oh, I forgot to mention that A-Train has offered his 2nd bedroom up for free. So I can sublet or get rid of my apartment and live with A-Train for free. For those of you who don’t know, A-Train was my boyfriend for 2 years. We broke up in March of this year…. it was inevitable that we would not be together, but he did break up with me so he could be with someone else… which hurt. It has taken time, but we have remained friendly, and is probably my best friend right now.
Just from a dating perspective, it’s probably not best to be living with an ex while trying to see other men. Seems so Jerry Springer-ish…
So for those of you that don’t have your life all neatly wrapped in beautiful paper and with a pretty bow, what would you do? What have you done in this situation or a similar situation? Love to hear and learn from your experiences.
Paula's Ponderings 
Paula first thigs first money/job: You know the old you best. That does not mean you have to go back the the hightech world but it is what you know best and the way you formanly opperated will have a huge effect on the way you behave, at least in thre beginning. Maybe a contract job that does not pay amazing but can keep you semi solvet until your feet touch bootom. I am usurer if such things exsist but it may be worth a look. If it does it would also allow you the gift of not having to climb on mother ship to stay employed, as your last cult… I mean job obviously demended.
Moving??? that is a hard one. You could not choose three places more unalike than the Bay Area, Utah and Istanbul. I never thought I would use those words in the same sentence in my life but I did. The turky idea is amazinhgly exciting but I would throw the caution of head overheals crazy love you clearly feel for this place. Warning, don’t get married after a week in love! You might discover your NEW husband has really bad morning breath or is hates cats. Swim accross a river before you attempt the English chanel.
Dating: Be honest with your self and any and all possible suiters. (EXAMPLE Hay, I like you and seeing each other would be great. I just want you to understand that I am in a MAJOR life change thing right now and if I seem distracted its not about you, its me. ) or words to that effect.
As for A-train, I would probobly not call it Jerry Springer but baybe modern Franch. If you think A-train can be modern and realy cool when your date comes home to have a drink and maybe sex in his house then go for it.
My guess is that your just not use to not having to get chained to your ore every day and the uncertanty is really scary. I just recently retired and my body still wakes me up early and forces me to start moving, or type long winded emails. Let your worls stop spinning so fast before you step off mar-go-round.
Be well H.S.
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You are so insightful Harold- I so love your thoughtful responses. I think you are right- I need to just chill right now – relax and wait for the world to stop spinning. It would do me good to do nothing in January except focus on my and my health… Thank you again for your guidance- you are a true friend indeed. Xoxoxo
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