Paula's Ponderings

I’m super excited about 2015.  I started working on having a good 2015 in September.  2014 and 2013 were bad years for me.  I gave up on 2014 being a good year something in July and began focusing on 2015.  2013 and 2014 were almost worst than the year I got separated/divorced.  Different struggles but equally if not more difficult.   Ugghhh, so glad that 2014 is over.

Anyway, enough about the bad times, I’m off to a great start to have another Year of the Paula (like 2010-2012).  Like I mentioned, I started in September – I stopped waiting for my managers to recognize my work and took action. I found a new job, better title and pay.  So far its been great. The company culture feels more like home to me.  Because my paycheck is larger, I was able to refinance my home.   Now I’m starting 2015 more financially secure than I’ve been in a couple of years and its feels wonderful.  There is more to do, but I feel confident I can make it happen.  With that, here are my goals for this year:

1. Get Body Confident.  I’m tired of feeling fat, letting my fat get in the way of doing what I want, getting what I deserve.  I’ve spent so many years, since 2006, feeling bad about my weight, feeling bad about myself, losing confidence in myself year after year.  This year no more.  I will lose the weight and get comfortable about where I end up.  So, what does this mean?
   • Lose weight. I’m 132 – that is about 20 pounds overweight for my 5’2″ frame.   I was 100 pounds for most of my adult life, I got married at 30-something at 112 pounds.  It’s time I get back to the weight I’m comfortable with at OR shut up about it.
   • Exercise more.  I need to get more active.  I stopped working out regularly about 2 years ago, when I was working with Man Hands down at Cisco. I’ve never really gotten back into it.  This is the year. I’ve committed to working out 2 nights a week – I joined a yoga studio and signed up for a belly dancing class.  I will try these classes for 3 months and figure out what I want to do next.
   • Address my stomach issues.  I have, for many years, had significant stomach issues.  I used to wake up sick in the mornings, so sick that drinking water would  have me dry heaving in the shower.  In 2014 I went to see a nutritionist and fixed this problem (thank god!) but I still have significant “flare ups” with my stomach and intestines.  I am going to address this once and for all.  I am starting 2015 with a diet change – I’m going Paleo.  And I’m going back to the nutritionist.   I was inspired by Danielle Walkers story (AgainstAllGrain) – and now I’m ready to take back my life.
2. Take Charge of my Career.  I’m doing it – I’ve met more with my manager in the last 3 months than I did my entire tenure at my last job.  Why?  Because I thought my managers would recognize the great work I was doing. Did they? No.  And when I asked for what I deserved, we were on very different pages.  Didn’t bode well for either of us.  So I’m not going to let that happen again.  My goal is to have a meeting with my manager 1x a month to discuss my career, my progress, and set myself up for promotions and an executive position.  I am a great worker, a good leader, and highly qualified. With my manager’s guidance I am going to do very well.
3. Me.  I need to work on me.  I have a few issues that I want to deal with – I didn’t recognize it until I sat down with ATrain and really discussed our relationship – where we are, where we want to be, where I WANT to be.  Two issues in current relationship are the same ones I had in my marriage, and I am the common link there.  Me.  What I have today is similar in some respects to what I had in my marriage.  I’m with someone who has integrity (my EX did not) so the conversations are much more real, more open, honest, and revealing.  So I will seek out a counselor this year and work through some bad habits and become more aware of what I want, what I need, and the changes I need to make- mental and behavior – to get what I want.

I think that is it.  It is a lot but I’m ready for it.  I need a change, I need my life to be different, and I’m in charge of making this happen.

I loved 2010 and 2011 and 2012.  They were GREAT years for me for the most part.  I want more of these kind of years.  And to get more of these years, I need to know myself better, treat myself better, and give myself permission to have it all!

I wish you all a great 2015 – may all your dreams and aspirations be realized.