Paula's Ponderings

As I’ve written in my last post, I feel lost, like I’ve spiraled downwards.  I get up every morning and wish I could go back to bed, sleep it off.  “It” being my life.  I just want it to stop being so hard….  What’s so hard? Realizing that the divide between where I want to be/where I thought I would be and where I am is so vast…

I’ve been wanting to write about my New Years Resolutions for some time now, I’ve just not had any time.  And thats the problem – I have not committed to living my life.  I keep thinking I will do it tomorrow, and now its March.  March!  Two months of thinking about it, doing nothing about it.  So March 1st is the day.

1. First, the catalyst is my weight. I’ve gained too much weight… I’m 5’2″ and I now weigh 133 lbs.  That is obese. I’m OBESE.  That is crazy to me. I have let myself go over the last 2 years…. well, 4 years really… I can no longer do nothing.
2. Second, I have zero energy.  I actually had to come home from work during lunch a few weeks ago to take a nap. I could not focus, could not stay aware/awake, was in a complete fog. Without a nap, I would not have gotten through the day.
3. Third, I have lost the ability to remember.  I cannot remember anything, even the simplest of things. A date? Google calendar.  A name. Not going to happen.  Whatever brain space is reserved for memory, mine is gone. If only I could get some cloud backup for shit that doesn’t matter so I can make for new, more important things like work.

All of these reasons made me focus on my health in 2013.  I am in another Not Buying It Year.. instead of buying things, I’m buying my health back.  I’ve been to the doctor a few times now, and we are working on addressing all the above, along with a few other things like constipation and hemorrhoids.

The reason I’m writing? Because I’ve been diagnosed as “normal”… believe it or not, according to healthcare standards, nothing is physically wrong with me.  Blood tests show that I don’t have high blood pressure, my thyroid is in normal range.. cholesterol is fine.  But I am overweight for my size…and it has totally effected my confidence.  Along with my horrible work experience with Man Hands, my weight has pushed me into a slight depression… so to address issue # 1 above, I asked for and received a prescription to help reduce my weight WHICH my insurance DID NOT cover.  The prescription – Qsymia.

In addition to taking the drug, I’ve also added in 2 more workouts a week – a Boxing class with a new work friend  and a Zumba dance class on Sunday…  But Qsymia has a few side effects that may have a negative impact on me – Side effects include concentration/memory difficulties along with mood problems.

I will start taking the prescription tomorrow, March 1st. I will track my progress over the next 6  weeks.  I will document how I feel, my weight, and anything else that I feel…  I’m looking forward to this journey… I need something to focus on other than work!