Who Am I?

who-am-i-head-in-handsGod I know, it has been forever.  Not a day goes by that I don’t think about posting something – god knows I have a million thoughts running through my head every second of every day.  But I’ve not had a single second to myself in almost 3 months.  I am definitely working at a start-up company… so much to do and not enough time in the day, week, month to complete it.

I feel that I’ve lost myself, that I don’t know who I am anymore.  All I’ve done for the last 2+ years is work WAY TO MUCH.  I’ve not had any time to focus on the things that are really important – family, friends, experiences.  I feel as though I’ve lost my way – I’ve lost myself.  I feel as if I’m going thru the motions of life but not truly living it…. Everyday that passes me by is a day I’ve lost. I’m not quite sure how to get on the right track… I feel fuzzy and unsure of my next steps.  I know where I would like to be, what I want in my life, I just don’t have any idea on how to get there.

I’m short on patience right now, and I’m envious of those who appear to have “more”… people like this chick, who hasn’t worked a day in her life, is a mess, and just inherited a fortune.  The friends of A-Train who just purchased a Tesla, all beautiful skinny people…   anybody that appears to have an easier time enjoying life because of money, good looks, or good fortune.  I know that I’m feeling this way but right now I can’t help myself.  I force these negative thoughts out of my head, but they keep coming back, over and over again.  I’ve never thought or felt like this before, I’m just not myself.  I don’t know who I am anymore…

I remember the three times in my life where I have felt so at peace, so confident, so in-tune with myself.  I was on my own (not necessarily alone), completely in sync with myself, and at peace with my career, my body, my looks, my life.  I have so far to go to get back to this place, I don’t know where to start…

I’m not sure how I’m going to “fix” myself.  I’m would love suggestions, so if you’ve got advice, I’ll take it.

Sorry that my first post back is such a Debbie Downer…   😦

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