A Year In April.

In April, it will be a full year since I’ve seen or heard from My Mr. Big.  I can’t believe it.  A FULL Year.  I never thought it was possible, us not being together, now its been a full year since we’ve had any contact.

As far as I know he hasn’t tried to reach out to me.  I’ve wanted to respect his privacy and wishes, so I’ve only thought about him.. except one time.  I did send him a Happy  Birthday email on his birthday in December.. no response.

Crazy how life changes. How you can go to thinking that someone will always be there for you, with you.. and another minute, they are gone, gone forever.  I’ve always believed that life can change in an instant…  this experience is no exception.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wonder what happened to him, wonder where he is, if he is happy, why he chose to stop all contact..  But as a dear friend tells me, its my lot in life to wonder about things that I will never learn the answer to.  We are thinkers, wanderers, my friend and I, destined to roam this earth wondering about things beyond our control…

I did and do love him, My Mr. Big.. always will.  He brought such joy to my life, gave me a new perspective on life and love…  I was lucky to be with him, even if just for the short time that we shared together. I do miss him…


Should Be Working…

Work is never-ending these days… if it’s not a 300+ question RFI to answer, it’s a training module, customer visit, demo to do…   I’m so overloaded. Have been since the beginning of the year.  I have a list of to-do’s that is two miles long, and a few things on the list are “reach out to FreeBird”.. I know, pathetic.

I did discuss this with my manager…  it’s not going to ‘end’ (it never really does end does it?) until after April 24th.  so I’m stuck working nights and weekends, along with my days, for another month. Definitely makes the head hunter offers in my inbox seem appealing.

But tonight, I should be working. Well, I am working, just taking a short break to have a pity party with my blog friends.  I’m not working – I’m writing to you.. and drinking wine (makes my answers/responses to questions MUCH MORE interesting if I do say so myself).. 😉

So in the last week, I’ve had the great pleasure of putting a smile on my moms face.  Doesn’t matter that I did it, just matters that it happened.  Makes me feel good…  I love being able to do it, and she is the most deserving of anyone on this planet as far as I can tell.  Put up with me, my three sisters, a plethora of bad decisions and grandkids….  and really, all it takes is simple pleasures to put a smile on this womans face.  Gotta love it.  Putting a smile on her face makes me smile – and makes everyone else around me happy – from the cashier at the grocery store to the teller at the bank… (not to mention ATrain!).

Other simple pleasures as of late are:

  • feeding my cats (boy do they love food, and they love folks who feed them.. so yep, they love me!!!)
  • Working out – just trying to keep extra lb’s off …
  • sleep – ambien has been a good friend to me…

With that said, I have 287 more questions to answer… wish me luck, I need it.  Its due by EOD Thursday…. yes, this Thursday. I know. Rediculai.

Job Change Is Definitely In Order.

So take a look at this folks…  http://nyti.ms/GCegDC

I used to be a nanny.  I was a nanny for 5 years. I was a nanny during my youthful years, working hard to earn money for college.  Yes, I graduated college with a finance degree, been working in the software industry for 16+ years.  NEVER have I earned $180K + $3000 in living expenses. EVER. 

I’m seriously considering a job change.  I’ve got experience, I work hard, I am dedicated, I love children and they love me, I am easy on the eyes, I can drive, I will pick up any language you want me to, and honestly, I can dedicate all my time to the success of the family.  I’ve dedicated all my time to my job now… and it stresses me out.  I have ZERO downtime these days.  If I have to give up all my personal time, I would much rather be taking a kid to/from daycare, cooking dinner, working on homework, etc..    What I don’t do? Clean windows or toilets.. but I’m assuming they will have a house cleaner for all that.

Anyone else up for a job change? We can create our own Nanny Network.. the bigger the network, the more our worth..  And if you know of anyone hiring let me know, I’ll give you a finder’s fee if it works out..   Oh, and I live in Northern CA.. willing to go international if need be…   🙂

A Quick Update And Warning For The Ladies.

Hello All. I miss you!  I’ve been so busy with work and recovering from the flu that I haven’t had a chance to write.  I’ll be surprised if anyone is still around, reading my blog.

Work / Life balance has been extremely difficult these last few months.  Any spare time I’ve had has gone into running errands…  I’m working nights and weekends these days.. ATrain has been making dinner (I’ve never had my own personal chef… I do now!), taking care of me and the cats, just being an all around sweetheart.  A get this – he LIKES doing it.  It makes him happy.  I do not see any resentment or anger towards having to pitch in more…  He says he supports my work, knows I have to do it, and enjoys making my life easier.   I know, sweet.

We have talked about moving in together….  no date planned as of yet.  We would move into his home (its bigger and in a better neighborhood). I will rent my home out – furnished (which I’ve done before – not this home but another property I own in Utah)…  He did have a cat door installed for me and we turned one of his bedrooms into an office for me.  The rest is on me get a few things done and move on in…  Crazy.

Other than that, here are few ideas rolling around in  my head for blog entries: 

  • I love that there is a blogger community and we watch out for each other.  Check out this story – read this post  –  Thomas Murray – A cautionary Tale – then go to Jenni’s site, who blogged about her experience with this selfish sociopath.  This is her last day of her visit with him – http://ohjenni.com/2012/03/05/puerto-rico-part-4/  – but you will want to backward and forward as you desire to get the full story.  Ladies, consider yourself warned. There are men out there that get their jollies off lying and seducing women … scary.  FYI – I just read an article in this months Vogue – An Old Flame Dies Out ,  where a very successful woman had this happen to her as well – with an Old High School sweetheart.  Who reached out to her.   Who spent years lying to her.  He planned it … planned the whole thing.  IT can happen to anyone.  We are all susceptible to wanting what we want and what we want to see in someone. I know I stayed married for too long, loving a person that was not at all who they really were (my EX).
  • What is wrong with fashion this spring?  Lace and Jacquard.  Fugly in my opinion.  Boxy and fugly. You want to walk around looking like a doily?  Not me. How about a curtain/drape from the 1800’s?  Nope,  not me either.  When I start seeing people wear this, I’m going to take pictures.  Maybe it looks good on a hanger or an emaciated model, but ladies please…  say no to this fashion choice this spring.  What is right – bright blue shoes!!!

Let’s see, what else.  Did I  mention that work is crazy? And that ATrain is awesome?