Napa For New Years.

As requested by one of my favorite readers, a much lighter post …

I’m headed to Napa for New Years with my new man, the older gentleman, which will forever be known as A-Train (named by CLicious and her husband).  We have been spending a lot of time together lately, and you know what? I’m having a great time!  I’ve decided that I don’t care how odd we might look to others, I’m going to enjoy the man I’m with.   He is kind, generous, empathetic, hilarious, and sweet as can be to me.  And today he is taking me to one of my favorite little towns in Napa, where we will enjoy each other’s company while tasting wine, eating great food,  testing out our rollerblading skills, and of course a lot of bicycle riding!

So, all in all I’m going to have one fabulous weekend…  I wish you all the same!

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In Between My Legs.

This is a favorite post-sentence statement of my dear friend CLicious.  You know, add this statement onto the end of a regular sentence…. “I love your new sweater (in between my legs)”…  “I’ll have the chocolate souffle (in between my legs)”…  you get the idea.   Same as the “in bed” statement you add to the end of any fortune cookie fortune.  This line cracks us up all the time. 

But this article is of a bit more serious nature…  Chlamydia.  Yes, I spelled it correctly, I had to look it up, I’ve been researching it.  Why do you ask?  Because 3 weeks ago I got a phone call out of the blue from Chicken Legs.  I was heading out for a very important prospect meeting… my phone rang.  I saw it was him, I debated whether to take the call, but I decided to just do it – to answer the phone call.  Mind you, I’m at my company’s CA office, in the lobby, where my colleagues where standing and the receptionist was sitting.  Don’t ask me why… I just did.  I say hello, ask him how he was doing..  here is how the 2 minute conversation went:

Me: ” Hi Chicken Legs, how are you?”

Chicken Legs:  “Ahh, not so good Paula”.

Me:  “Oh, Ok..  is there something I can help you with?”

Chicken Legs:  “I went to the doctors because of some itching around my eyes…  The doctor said I have Chlamydia.. and the last time I had this eye itch was when I was with you… so… uhhh… I think you gave me Chlamydia”.

Me: (SHOCKED and in a VERY PUBLIC place)  “Wow, well, o.k..  I was tested in April and everything was fine”..  “I don’t know what to say except that I’m on my way to a meeting and I’m going to need to call you back”.

Chicken Legs:  “Oh, o.k..  Just thought I should let you know”

Me: ” Yes, thank you, I appreciate it.  I’ll get back to you.  Have a good afternoon.  Good-bye”  Click.

Yeah. I know.  I was shocked. I was in shock for the entire meeting… I drove home from the meeting in shock.  My niece AbFab and her hubby were in town so I told them all about it.  I didn’t know anything about it.  They gave me some facts about Chlamydia, we looked up some info on the internet…  no real symptoms in women,  it’s very treatable, but it’s still something you don’t want to have.

My initial reaction was shock.  My second reaction was that there was no way I gave it to him… My third reaction was, shit, what if he gave it to me?  Do I have to call Mr. Showtime and tell him?? Ugghhh…

So, I scheduled a doctor’s appointment and had myself tested.  Not only was I clean in April 2011 (annual Pap Smear and STD test), my test came back negative in November.  So I was clean BEFORE we started to date, and I’m clean now.  So, a) I didn’t give him anything, but more importantly, b) he didn’t give anything to me.

My doctor was so funny – he reminded me how he told me the dating scene is very different now and that “even if you are in ‘an exclusive’ relationship, you should ALWAYS protect yourself.  He said I needed to stop acting like a horny teenager (while he had a smile on his face as he knows I don’t sleep around).   I do love my Gyno, he cracks me up.  But the message was loud and clear – I was lucky this time.  If I continue to have unprotected sex, I will catch something… Yuck. 

Of course I had to let Chicken Legs know… I just sent an email to him, here it is in its entirety:

Hi Chicken Legs.

I hope you had a wonderful holiday weekend.

I wanted to thank you for calling me a few weeks ago.  It must have been really hard for you to call me up after all these months to give me “the news”.  I appreciate you being honest and mature about it.

I also wanted to let you know that whatever you have/had, I did not give it to you.  I was tested in April 2011 (annual Pap Smear and test results were negative (This is good news, it means that I do  not have anything cancerous or STD related).  I had myself tested again after your call, and the results came back negative as well.  So I’m clean, then and now.  If you want to talk about it, feel free to call me, I’m happy to discuss it with you.

Have a great weekend and I wish you the best in 2012.

Paula

I feel better that he now knows… but I feel even better that he now knows that I did not give him anything like he assumed/thought.   I wished I had a mean bone in my body because what I really wanted to say is that whoever he slept with after me is the Ho is the person/people he should be talking with.  

For those of you with horny teenagers (boys and girls alike), you should have them read this – STD’s are SO EASY to catch.  And if you sleep with someone without a condom, you are sleeping with every single person that they have slept with.  That’s just gross, and if the person you are attracted to is mature, then he/she will understand why the wait and a “clean bill of health” is important.

My OCD Has Kicked In.

Sometimes I get a bit Obsessive Compulsive.  I cannot believe it, but with all I have going on with work, with family and friends, and the holidays, thoughts of My Mr. Big keep coming back to me.  Where is he?  What is he doing? Is he happy? Not happy?  Is he thinking about me, about us, what we shared? 

I have spent the year holding back with new men… not wanting to get in too deep just in case My Mr. Big came back.   I now know I’ve been wasting my time (or maybe not, its made me pick a higher caliber of men EXCEPT for Chicken Legs.. another story coming soon), but it seems to have put me in obsessive mode.  I’ve not seen or heard from this man since April.  He has disconnected his phone, let his email expire…  he has not reach out. He has not tried to contact me NOR has he left me any avenues to do so.  Yet, I still think of him.. a lot.. too much in all honesty.  I loved what we shared, it was exactly what I want in a relationship.  But it obviously won’t work, he’s not interested. So why have I NOT moved on, found that “magic” with someone else?

Because that “magic” is so hard to find.  Sometimes it falls in your lap….   but it cannot be forcibly created.  It’s just happens, just shows up, just there…  that extra something between two people who just is.  One of my favorite bloggers, ThatPrecariousGait,  just wrote a great post on the New Normal.  I loved her insight on life, love, and moving on after  divorce.  After reading her post, I realized that my new normal, the one I enjoyed so much, was the life I shared with My Mr. Big.  I loved that life…  It’s like my favorite job.  I miss it, I want it back…

But alas, I am keenly aware that I now need a “new new normal”…  not one where I just live, waiting, hoping, that My Mr. Big comes back…  Its going to require me to get involved, to jump in to the pool of life, and get busy living.  This screams of a New Years Resolution.. I’ll keep you posted.

Long Overdue Update.

I know… I read all my blog friends updates, and I give none of my own.   I LOVE reading the updates… no matter how short or lengthy they are.  And as much as I enjoy them, I don’t seem to be able to write until I’m overwhelmed with a bullet list of activities to share.   I need to follow in the footsteps of my favorite bloggers,and get better about sharing on a regular basis..

A quick couple of updates for now :

  • Old Boyfriend:  I sent an email to My Mr. Big to wish him a happy birthday.. his email address is no longer active.  I’ve spent a lot of this year holding on to him…. . missing him, missing him desperately at times.  The fact that his email address does not exist anymore smacks me over the head (and heart) with a dose of reality.  He has moved on, and that I alone have been the one holding on to the idea of him, the idea of us.  I thought we had something so special .. and we did.. but that was then, it this not now.  An “email account that you tried to reach does not exist” message from Gmail” has knocked some sense into me … As hard as it is to admit, he has moved on, and as special as what we shared was, it is no longer.  It takes two to make something magical, and as much as I love(d) him, he is not in that magical place with me.  Time for me to grow up, get a move on, and get over it. Those of you who know me will know that this effort to move on will be a new years resolution…   
  • New Boyfriend:  I met a gentleman in my favorite bar in early November… we really get along well.  I just spent a full weekend with him. Yes, a  full 48 hours.  And I actually liked it.  I did not only not tire of his company, I actually enjoyed it.  The even better news?  I actually miss him tonight.  Crazy… He has met my family (AbFab and family were in town for 10 days), they like him.. My friends CLicisous and her hubby have met him and love him…..  All goodness.  However, (isn’t there always a but??), he is a bit older than me and looks it.  So, he is older and looks older, I’m 40 and look younger.  I never thought I’d care what others thing, but I do feel a bit self-conscious when I realize that people are staring….  wondering if I’m his daughter vs. his lover…   He is so sweet and good to me, we have a lot in common (kids the same age, same philosophy in life, same politics, etc.), and so much fun together…  I’m going to ignore the looks from others and give this a go.. …
  • Family Visit:  AbFab  and her family came out to stay with me for a few weeks … God, I’m still missing them. It was crazy around the house with 4 other people, but a good crazy.  I am in love with AbFab.. and her girls, Mayonaise and Shaynayhay are awesome.  I didn’t get as much time with them as I would have liked (I still had to work), but boy, are these girls full of energy, personality, and plain old goodness. 
  • Parents Visit:  My parents came to CA and stayed a couple of days with me.  I loved seeing them, relaxed, and enjoying themselves n a different environment.  They seem to like it, and I really enjoy having them see my friends, experience my life.   I love them dearly, as I get older I realize how much they have given me, how much they have influenced me, the person I’ve become.  They are good peeps… and  plan on spending more time with them in the coming new year.

I’ve had a couple of hard work experiences lately, I’ll write more about this later as it has to do with personality conflicts…  too much to explain in this update…

I’m looking forward to these last few weeks of the year,  have a lot of work to do, but it’s also the time  take to reflect on this year, form new goals for next year, and enjoy my family and friends….

Thanks for your patience.. I’ll get better at blogging regularly once again.