Hawaii Trip Clarification.

O.k. so most of you have reached out with the same reaction and question to my recent Hawaii experience:

  1. “the trip sounded horrible”!
  2. “where did you leave it” with Chicken Legs? 

First and foremost, I should have given a bit more background of the trip BEFORE going off on the things that didn’t work.  Chicken Legs is a very interesting and smart person. I do enjoy spending time with him. WE enjoyed each others company, had great conversations, had fun at all of our outdoor activities – snorkeling, hiking, just walking the Waikiki beach, eating out.  We are in-synch when it comes to all the other “stuff”.  I am a slow mover when it comes to “riding bikes” (TradeMarked by GGD) together…  so it’s not odd for me to NOT have slept with this guy… and given everything else that we enjoy together, it’s not a stretch to think we would have a good time “riding bikes”..    So, please do not feel bad for me,  my trip to Hawaii was a good one. 

So, now, where did I leave it with Chicken Legs.  We are fine – friends in my head.  I think know, he thinks we are a couple now.  I know this because he has called me every night since we’ve gotten home, he tries to call me his girlfriend and I’ve corrected him.   During all of our time together, I’ve been very clear with him about the following:

  • I am not interested in being in an exclusive relationship
  • Having sex does NOT mean we are exclusive
  • I am not interested in having love in my life
  • I am not interested in getting/being married again

All of these things are true when it comes to Chicken Legs.  I think if I met the right person, one I experienced the 3 H’s with,  none of these statements would be true.  MY POINT IS, I’m not leading Chicken Legs on, I’ve been very open and honest with how I feel about us.  I think he is hoping for more… behaving as if there already is more, just in case I change my mind.  So, I’ve been straight up with Chicken Legs, but I think given the way he is acting/behaving, we need to have a talk.  I don’t know when I will see him again (he’s been out-of-town for work, and now is home with his boys for the next week, then I leave for a work trip)..

So, I know what needs to happen, I need to have another conversation with Chicken Legs and let him know that we are just friends.  No benefits.  And if he doesn’t want to be just friends, well then…  I will miss his friendship.

One last clarification about my Hawaii experience rant.  The “I’m sorry” comment.  All three men I’ve been with since my divorce, all of them, in my opinion, have been verbally assaulted and emotionally abused by their Ex’s.   They have all gotten to the point where they have to apologize for everything… every little thing.  The reason I was so harsh on Chicken Legs is because I don’t want to be the person that causes him to say I’m sorry all the damn time.  I’m an easy-going, relaxed individual who doesn’t expect perfect.  I want better for Chicken Legs, and all of “my men”.  I want the men in my life to feel freedom of being themselves, of being confident in who they are and how they do it.  I want them to relax and have fun with me…. not spend all their time being concerned that they are going to do/done something wrong.

So that’s it…  that’s where I’m at.

What Is The Craziest Thing You Have Ever Done?

This is the question I got tonight from a friend…. thoughts swirled thru my head…  things that I’ve dont that I shouldn’t have done, things I’ve done that were “socially unacceptable”…..   So many things I can’t share..   The only reason for this blog is to ask you to think about the craziest thing you’ve done.  And if you are comfortable, please share!!  One of these days I may get the courage to broadcast my indiscretions.

My Weekend In Hawaii.

First and foremost, Hawaii is such a beautiful place.  I spent the weekend on Waikiki Beach, in Honolulu, on the island of Oahu…  the town itself feels old and rundown, but the ocean and beaches were just gorgeous. 

So, the man I went with was a gent from the roster, who from now on will be called Chicken Legs.  Chicken Legs is cute, intelligent, kind..etc..  He is a good person and we do have fun together. But I’ve been ambivalent about him since I met him – when I see him we have fun together, when I don’t see him, I don’t think about him.  We’ve gone out over a dozen times… and still the same thing.  Because he is a great guy, I think I was hoping that I would feel something….

That is why I decided to go to Hawaii with him – I thought that it would be a good time for me to “figure it out”.  My girlfriend’s had their opinions:

  • C-Licious advised me not to go – that I was only doing it to see Hawaii.
  • Unicorns said if it was easy, why not? 
  • FreeBird said go..enjoy it.. live life sister!

I agreed with Unicorns and FreeBird – the trip fell together easily, so I thought to myself, “why not?”  So off I went, flew to Hawaii and spent three days experiencing warm weather, sun on my skin, viewing a spectacularly blue ocean and  the most amazing tropical landscape…   My thoughts on Chicken Legs and the other part of the experience below:

  • Test Drive before you Buy.  Never ever ever ever ever ever ever go on a vacation with someone that you have not test-driven (or taken for a “bike ride” as described by my favorite blogger Grey Goose) before hand.  Hard to share a hotel room with someone you don’t want to touch…   I want that feeling like I can’t get enough of someone…  that passion, that hunger, that desire…   I felt nothing for Chicken Legs. Needless to say, spending time in the hotel room was awkward.  Big mistake on my part…. I will never do that again.  
  •  Emotional Baggage is not attractive.  He has way to much (emotional) baggage. He spent way too much time talking about his ex-wife and ex-girlfriends….  All I can say is that I know far too much about his past.  So much for enjoying our time together. There were definitely 4 of us there – Me, Chicken Legs, and the two exes (Ex-wife and ex-girlfriend). 
  • Too Much chatter …  He loves to talk about all of his girlfriends and what a great lover he is… Girlfriend from college, girlfriend before wife, recent ex-girlfried… The question that swirls around in my head is “really? You should definitely go back to them”.  Honestly, if it was so great, why did it end and why are you interested in me?
  • Quit with the I’m sorry’s! Grow a sack … say I’m sorry when you accidentally hurt me by saying something mean (or doing something mean) … don’t say I’m sorry because you are so pussy whipped by your ex’s that everything you do is an apology.  I want to be with an adult.. a confident, mature man.  Not some insecure 14 year old.

I know, I know, I need to add this to my advice column for men.  But to be completely truthful, I think that a man in his 40+’s should have basic stuff like this figured out.  Chicken Legs just turned 48 …

O.k.. so if you don’t think I’m mean enough yet, here are a couple of funny stories:

  • Size DOES Matter. I love a man that has some girth (no, not that kind of girth… maybe… 🙂 )  5’10 to 6′ feels like the right height to me. I love wrapping my arms (and legs) around a big, broad-shouldered, strong man.  Ummmnhhh Hmmmmhh.  Yum.   I don’t want to feel like the “big” person in the relationship – you know, the extra large person hanging out with the skinny minnie.  Well I did, the entire time.  Chicken Legs is 5’8″.. the shortest guy I’ve ever dated.. ever.   When he wrapped his skinny arms around me, he said to me “whats it like for you to be with such a tall guy?”  I was confused for a moment (I wasn’t the one talking about my ex’s), then I realized that he was talking about himself – how did I feel to finally be with a tall guy…  Honestly, it took everything I had to not laugh out loud.  I didn’t say anything because I know what its like to be with a tall guy…and I like it. And he wasn’t it.  So when Chicken Legs asked me the question, I realized I couldn’t answer honestly…   but then I started thinking, what is going thru his head?!?!  Does he think I date short people, like myself (short and stout?) ??   Whatever was in his head he didn’t share, but he seemed to think that he was tall…  I let him keep his illusion.
  • What others think DOESN’T matter.   Chicken Legs cares what others think… much more than I do.  One of the things he said to me this weekend is that he loves to be with me because of the looks I/we get from others.  I asked him what he meant.. he said that guys stare at me all the time.  Ummn Hmmm, yeahh… they don’t.  Nobody cares about what I’m doing, where I’m at, what I look like.  But Chicken Legs thinks that they do, so this is one of the things that make me attractive to him..   Isn’t that great?  The basis for a solid relationship. 🙂
  • Just Be Yourself.. unless you want to be like me.  Yes, we all know I am a drinker, I make no bones about it. Not sloppy drunk, but I do love cocktail hour….   Knowing this about me, Chicken Legs actually said he loves to drink… He is so NOT a drinker. I know for sure that he isn’t a drinker because a) he said so, b) he was ready to pass up cocktail hour one night, and c) On our last evening in Hawaii, we ended up hanging out with the 3 coolest Australian ladies ever!  The ladies and I tied one on together, Chicken Legs, the drinker.. couldn’t keep up.    I only care about this because I think its important to know who you are – and be comfortable with what you and are not.   Don’t say “I’m a drinker, I love to drink” when its obvious you don’t.  Gees.  Be yourself, don’t conform. 
  • White boys really cannot dance, and sometimes, it’s just obscene.  OMG, we (me and the Australian ladies) danced the night away, Chicken Legs joined us for a song or two.  He is, without a doubt, the worst dancer I’ve ever seen. Think of Elaine’s Dance from Seinfeld, mixed with Seinfeld Straight Arm girl (Molly Shannon character from the Summer of George episode). I’m certainly not the greatest dancer, but I do love it…  and I’ve been with a few men that aren’t the greatest dancers, but they have some moves.  My favorite dancer was Fancy Dancer.. a guy I met at a club in a local bar. We were SO IN SYNC with bad dancing to 80’s songs. He took my number but never called me… I even went so far as to seek him out – yes, I found out who he was and reached out to him via email.  He never responded…  Oh well, I go to my grave knowing I tried (and Fancy Dancer is missing out on a real “bike ride” with Paula!)..

 O.k.. so that’s enough about the vacation.  I know, I am going to  have to let Chicken Legs down easy…. words of advise/wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

Spray Tan, 3 H’s, Cat Chasing Tail….

O.k. so I’m at home, should be sleeping because I have a huge day tomorrow – I’m about to (not that confident about it given that I have not spent the night working) pass my last official work “toll-gate”… My plan is to get up early, practice, and pass…..  I’ll update you on my status tomorrow.

Tonight, my mind is on other things.  Here are the “songs” in the Paula Jukebox, in list form (what else did you expect??):

  • I  just got my first spray tan today a few hours ago.  LOVE IT.  I feel skinnier because all my questionable areas were sprayed with color (doest this automatically make you 10 lbs lighter???) .  Downer is that I can’t go near water for 24 hours… fine by me.  Who needs to wash their face, take a shower??? Certainly not me . And in the name of vanity, I’ll stay away from water as long as it takes to make the color soak into my glowing white (almost blue) skin. If all goes as planned, I’m adicted, and love my warm colored skin…   
  • 3 H’s post.  I’ve thought a lot about it… and the comments I’ve received are intersting.  My favorite, most thought provoking comment is from Harold.  I have been lucky enough to experience the 3 H’s more than once… but the man that continues to capture my heart (head and soul) is not Dear Paula letter writer.  Dear Paula letter writer was an opportunity to feel it.. had a possibility of something…. I have  no idea what this “something” could or would be.   I definitely experienced the 3 H’s with the man before him…. and is the person I miss tremendously.  I’ve promised anonymity to him so he will forever be nameless and faceless… but he was perfectly imperfect to me – exactly what I want.  There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about him…  a day that I wish I could see him, spend time with him.  We just clicked, connected… just naturally had the 3 H’s (no work required to have it all).  I wish he was in a different place so I could experience the 3 H’s with him again (I know, so selfish… all about me)….   But alas, life has its own agenda…he is busy… I don’t get what I want (poor me).
  • Zoey is on fire tonight –  for whatever reason, she is/has been chasing her tail for 30 minutes.  I have no idea what has fired her up .. I’ve not given her any catnip (cocaine, crack, etc)…  she’s just on fire… feels energy.. experiencing life.  It’s so fun to watch. Sophie, on the other hand, has found the highest, safest ground AWAY from Zoey..   

I just realized that I have tears running down my face (yes, thinking of unmentionable 3 H man makes me tear up)…  my spray tan may be ruined!  If it so obvious that I ruined my spray tan I will take a pic and share it with you….   will be interesting..

Small Quake in Bay Area.

Hello folks!

I just wanted to let folks know that there was a minor earthquake in the Bay  Area on Monday.  I felt it.  I was in the shower, washing off the sweat from a run on a hot day…  yes, naked in the shower when the house started shaking, exactly like what happens in our nightmares (for those of us ladies who are not shaped like Kate Moss).

I quickly got dressed to check it out.. nothing seemed broken or otherwise out-of-place so I just forgot about it.  Here is the article for all to read:  3.7 Quake Shakes Northern Peninsula

All is well, no visible damage to the house…. just a mental change for me.. I will now be showering in a bathing suit.

Stab At Online Dating

Short  and sweet entry tonight.

I don’t know how I came across Grey Goose’s site, but I have to say, when I have a few moments, I love to read what she writes.  My online dating experience has been somewhat similar – there are a bunch of crazies out there. …  and how I figure to work within this crazy world is beyond me.  Grey Goose definitely guides me… and adds a sense of humor/hilarity to it all. 

In support of GG’s findings, that online dating websites really do suck, I found this YouTube video, making fun of one of the most ridiculous online dating sites – eHarmony, with their take on it.  Its called eHerpes.  Check out the cold sores on the folks.. classic fun.  Not that there is anything wrong with herpes… full disclosure is good….

Legalize Prostitution.

So, I’m up in the air, writing this post from 30,000 miles off the ground.  I’m flying Virgin America, I dare say,  the best darn airline in the whole world.  I have internet access, food at my fingertips, service with a smile…  If I have to waste time flying, this is certainly the way to do it.

I just finished watching a movie that a friend lent to me – Client 9: The Rise and Fall of Eliot Spitzer.  A great movie.  I’m outraged by his downfall.  All the man did was have consensual sex with another adult.  Other than him not being honest with his wife, I don’t get why this is a big deal.  He knows he did something “illegal”..  by why is it illegal?  And for me, how much time and money did the government waste building a case on him (he was hunted down by whom he made political enemies with)?   I live in the US, and I jsut cannot believe that our government, the  FBI, has millions of dollars to spare to  investigate a prostitution ring for a john of a high-priced escort.   Really?  They have nothing else to do?  Really?  I would beg to differ – they have plenty to do – like improve our school systems for one.  Update their systems to greatly reduce fraud and waste… on and on…

And what is wrong with two consenting adults arranging a mutually beneficial relationship, however short it is?  Nothing in my opinion, I think prostitution should be legal.  Now don’t get your feathers in a ruffle, I’m not suggesting that all sexual acts should be made legal – certainly human trafficking (people forced to have sex to “earn” freedom), and sex with children absolutely should be illegal.  Whats the difference?  Because the latter  hurts people, makes it a win-lose arrangement, and one person becomes a victim.  BUT, if two (or more) adult people come to a fair and equitable exchange, why not?  What’s wrong with it?  Don’t most people have this sort of arrangement anyway?  A woman receives the diamond necklace or prada purse she has been eying feels compelled to give her husband/boyfriend a blow job to thank him?  Money didn’t physically exchange hands, but its essentially the same thing – sex for something.  And I would go so far as to suggest that anyone reading this post has done something in exchange for sex (giving or receiving)…   And to go way out there, I would even dare say that marriage is a legally and socially acceptable form of prostitution… 

Yes, I liked the movie, it lit a fire in me that I felt compelled to share with my readers.  Feel free to respond, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic.