Nothing And Everything… All In One Post.

O.k.. So I have so much to write about… this post is really about nothing and everything. Let me explain.

First, I completed a very important professional milestone today – I delivered my first software demo to a prospect.  Its a big deal in my world. It wasn’t perfect.. but I did it. The prospect understood and was engaged the entire time…   Most important thing (to me), is that I got over the “delivery to a customer” hump.  My internal champions – my mentor, my manager, and my managers manager are happy with the performance…  There are certainly areas for improvement…always are.  Bt once again, I’ve successfully and supportively jumped a hurdle.  Yes, I’m patting myself on the back.

Secondly, I just spent 3 hours on the phone. I KNOW!!!   I never do this – I hate the phone. I only use it to establish meeting places and times… I much prefer to meet in person.  But tonight, I had the time, I received the phone calls, I took them and actually spent quality time with people I like/love. Not in person mind you, but over the phone.  I loved every minute of it.  Its been years, yes YEARS, since I’ve had a long conversation on the phone.  I get it now….. . maybe.. until you call me and I don’t pick up.  😉

Thirdly, let me explain to you what its like to “work from home”. I realize this sounds so glamorous to the folks that have to get up on a daily basis and go thru a routine – wake up, shower, drop kids off, drive to work, work, return home, make dinner, go to bed… rinse and repeat.  Working from home has its own set of challenges.  Granted, I’m not complaining, I just want to articulate what my life has been like for the last 48 hours so you understand that “working from home” can lead to a very reclusive lifestyle:

  • Saturday:  woke up in pajamas.   Worked all day in pajamas.  Showered at 4pm, cocktail and dinner with friends at 5pm, home by 9pm, in bed by 10pm in same pajamas.
  • Sunday:  woke up in same said pajamas, changed to running clothes for a 12 noon run, worked the rest of the day in my workout gear, rinsed off at 6pm, put said pajamas back on, went to bed at 10pm.
  • Monday:  woke up in same pajamas, started working. Changed to same forementioned workout clothes for a 4pm run, rinced off at 6pm and returned to same Saturday pajamas, worked until 11pm.
  • Tuesday:  woke up in same pajamas.  Worked until 1pm (until the demo was complete).  Took a nap at 1pm…  back to work until 5pm, when I finally SHOWERED and put on real clothing. Went to grocery store, purchased food, ate dinner in real clothing.  Writing post in real clothing.

My point is, that I spent a good 48 hours at home, in THE SAME clothing, no makeup, no physical contact with the outside world other than my dear friend.  This is TOO normal for me.  Honestly, I dont know why I felt like “getting out” this evening, I just did….   and it was to a grocery store and KMart (which I will write about when I’m willing to really let go…)..  I easily could have gone until Wednesday, or even the weekend before seeing another soul, before getting out of the house in T-Shirt and Jeans…    Last year, I literally went weeks without seeing anyone but friends…  this is why my friends encouraged me to sign up for online dating (I know….  we all have words for these “friends” of mine).

O.k.. the picture I posted with this post is totally random.  Its what came up in a search for images on “Nothing and Everything”…

OMG – Local Hooping Lessons Starting In May!

Can you believe my good fortune?!??!?   A friend just alerted me to a beginning hoopers series that is starting in MY TOWN this MAY!!!  OMG, OMG, OOO MMYYYY GODDDDD  I’m SO EXCITED!    Here is the link to all the info – http://www.heartbreakhoopers.com/ – you know that I’ve already emailed them with questions about the sessions… Me and my hoop are going public in May…   watch out Washington Park, here I come!

Can you feel my excitement!?!?!

Girls Weekend Here I Come!

So, I love it when an adventure comes together…    I’m heading to Boston for work in a few weeks, but this time I’m going to stay a weekend and visit with one of my best friends!  We had no plans to see each other 48 hours ago…. then, magic happened, of the unicorn and rainbows kind.

I woke up on Friday with an email in my inbox from my dear friend, stating she was going to be coming stateside (she currently lives in London.. I know, awesome) the first 2 weeks in April.  I read it and my heart jumped!  I too, will be on the East Coast during this time.  We Skyped, made a plan, and I just booked my ticket.  I will be heading to Boston early so that we can “do what we do” best…  hang out, catch up, have adventures, and make memories!

Now all I have to do is make arrangements with the cat sitter… and I’m good to go.  Life is very good – full of adventure … I love it!

Missed The Mark On This One.

Connections. Aren’t they great when they work out?  When both parties feel it? I love them.  Sometimes though, it just doesn’t happen. 

As you all know, I felt a connection with the Dear Paula letter writer.  I definitely felt something there, and thought it was shared…   obviously not so.  Took me a while to wrap  my head around that one, and I thought I had learned this lesson already.    I’m sad to report that this is not the case. 

So, I’ve been dating. Signed up for a free online dating website, thought I would take my chances….  whats not to like about it (besides the bombardment of men not in my criteria that email me daily)..  the off-chance that I meet someone that is not in my circle of friends that I’m attracted to is much better than if I wasn’t on the site and did not meet new and interesting folks.  I like this concept –  meeting new people that are interesting that I would otherwise not meet.  So much fun, right?!

In my limited experience so far, online dating is much like thrift store shopping. There are many things before you, but you have to decide,amoungst all the crap, what you like and what you are willing to go out with, and every  now and again, you find a gem.  I do well in this environment – picking my flavors and making the most of my dates. I’ve built my roster, yes, a roster of gents that I go out with on a regular basis.  I like all the men…  all have potential, but there was (notice the was?) one in particular, that I felt was moving forward nicely…

So, this person, I thought felt the same way- a connection (a physical AND mental attraction and a mutual desire to see more of each other). We’ve had 3 dates over a one month period.  All were great, fun, “getting to know someone” experiences in my mind:

  • the initial meeting – where we decide that we are interested in another date (that we both were representative of our profiles, worthy of moving to the next step)
  • the second date –   witty banter, playfulness, and mutual physical attraction.  We played pool, had intelligent conversation and there was definitely some flirting going on.
  • The third date –  was about mental connection in my mind – he talked about his kids,  we shared  life goals (work, retirement, travel, etc), the dissillusion of our marriages, and then our perspectives on ideal partners (I was the first person he’s been interested in since his seperation)… how easy it feels to spend time together…  We made plans for a 4th date when he returned from Dallas.

Well, last night, while out with my girlfriend, I saw Mr. TX with another woman.  Not thinking about it, I approached him to say hello (why wouldnt I ??).  He behaved very strangely – he did not give me a hug, then immediately stammered something out about the woman he was an “old friend” from TX.  Fine.  I got a very wierd vibe from him, told him to have a great night, and walked away.   But as I walked away, my back to Mr. TX, my  girlfriend got a wierd look on her face and said, “EWWHHH”.  Apparently Mr. TX and date began making out like teenagers (the date making it clear to all that they were together).  The bitter sweet part is that the folks that work the bar, which I know, said to not worry about it, (to come back to the bar later), because he was leaving “again” in two weeks for a long bike ride…  all said with a  smirk and I think a wink!  This made me think that they knew he was not an upstanding guy… not one worthy of my attention/affection.

First, he owes me nothing.  I was not expecting anything from him except honesty (which we talked about on our first date because of how crazy online dating can be).  But given the way the night played out, I am pretty sure he has not been honest with me.  I wonder if any of the things he said to me are actually true —   He told me he’s a busy executive of a small company, travels a lot, has a crazy schedule, enjoys my company and would like to make plans with me as his time/schedule permits…..    Seemed reasonable to me, but now, is any of that true?  Or is he really a used car salesman from San Bruno, who lives in a studio apartment, or better yet, with him mom?  Who knows, what I can say with certainly, is that given the wierdness last night, I’m NOT the first person he has spent time with since his seperation (blondie, his date, could probably confirm this)….

So, its very clear to me now the Mr. TX I had a few dates with is clearly not who he said he was.  I totally missed the mark.  I was a little taken aback by this.  All I could think was about being played – I was played.  And I fell for it, I let it happen.  I didn’t see it coming – never would have thought it (who does that???).   Chalk this up as another lesson learned for me —  Once again, I realize that I am nieve, I actually believe what people tell me.  When am I going to learn????   I do not want to become jaded, but I honestly don’t know if its possible to be open, honest, AND date. 

So, folks who are out there, how close do you hold the cards? How much do you reveal about yourself? How much of what someone says to you do you believe/trust?   I’d welcome any tips/tricks/advice.

It’s Time for Hula Hooping!

As you know, I’ve been thinking about hooping since last year, when I found the perfect gift for a 6 year old (Original Post – Hooping Queen) . We had so much fun with her hula hoop…   so I did it.     I purchased myself an adult Hula Hoop and an instructional and workout video.  They arrived last week, and I tried it last night – SO MUCH FUN!!!  It just makes me smile ear to ear and laugh hysterically at myself… I feel so good doing it, even though I can see how bad I look in the mirror…   it just doesn’t matter, its SO MUCH FUN!

I’m going to set up the garage this weekend to be a mini work-out studio… and get to hooping!  My middle looks great thanks to my weight loss and my continued practice of Yoga and Pilates. I  no longer look like a barrel, and now more like a svelte woman…   and its only going to get better with the hula hoop.

I am SO EXCITED about my hula hoop – and cannot wait to get my Hoop groove on!!   I don’t know when I’m going to be able to get to a tropical location to show off my hooping body, but I will be ready when it happens!! 

I’m almost shaking with excitement… if it wasn’t already dark out, I’d go set the mini gym up tonight!  🙂  Instead I’m parusing hoop videos on YouTube – gotta love this one – Sexy Hula Hooping and this one – Hula Hooping with Mia.  Wow.  Sold.   😉

Onboarding Almost Complete…

God, its been only a few months since I started my new job, but it does seem like I’ve worked here forever.  I started January 10th, and I’m about to complete my last two tollgates tomorrow – a technical pitch AND a 30 minute “build from scratch” demo. 

yes, two tollgates in one day .. why you ask? Because I cancelled at the very last minute, one of them on Monday. My system just wasn’t doing what it was supposed to do.  I figured it out, but too late…. so tomorrow is doozy of  a day for me.  Should I be studying and practicing right now? Absolutely.  But I just needed a tiny break, so I thought I would write. 

I’m on the verge, the cliff of change if you will, work wise.  I cannot wait to pass and move to the next phase of my professional life…    I will head home, early Friday – 6am flight out of Boston back to SF – with a job well done, a job done, or a job not done.  I’m shooting for the stars – for a job well done, and good solid sleep on the plane, and a celebratory weekend.

Almost there… it feels good to be so close, it will feel even better to be done!!  🙂

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder?

I’ve always struggled with this statement… is it true that the absence of someone makes you want them, pine for them more?  Or is it the other way, “Out Of Sight, Out of Mind”? 

I have to say, for me, I miss, with all my being, the folks I want to hear from.  I think about them, wonder about them, wish them, mentally will them, to reach out to me.  It sometimes hurts to think about them, want them to have them think about me, but not hear from them….  I have just realized this week that I think too much about it.  I’m sure my best, sure bet is to just let it all go and assume “out of sight, out of mind”.

So, does thinking about this, thinking about wanting to hear from people, men that I’m interested in, make me needy?  I’m starting to think so.   Maybe I’m less independent than I thought…   I question myself ONLY because I sway in this thought with men.. and dating.  Why?  Because I know, that even if I dont speak to my girlfriends for a day, a few days, a week, or weeks, I know in my heart of hearts that I will see them again, that they love me, I love them, and all is well.   Its just not the same with men.Men, or at least the men I’ve connected with lately (or not …. ha!!!) , just haven’t established a pattern of consistency.  Just doesn’t seem the way “they” work.  I do feel it has more to do with “them”…  that its not so much the fear of commitment, but more so the fear of committing to the unknown….   Not wanting to give the wrong impression about their intentions.   Or, thats the story I’m telling myself tonight.

I realize I’m thinking much more about this than “they” are.  My head tells me to let it go, its exactly the way that it is, and that I should take it at face value, “out of sight out of mind”.  I guess, now that ‘m traveling more, I want to make the most of my time home, so I want to “schedule” in time to see the people that I care most about.   That’s just my Type A personality.  But as much as I want that, I think that what I need to do is just relax and go with the flow (isn’t that what dating, and/or life in general is all about?)…..    I do think that if a man wanted to see me, he would call me and make a plan to see me.  Certainly, there are gents out there that ARE calling, that ARE making the effort…   it just so happens that the these are not so much the guys I want to hear from….  😉

Lordy, one of these days, there will be recipricocity….  the man/men I want to be with will actually be the man/men that want to be with me.  Won’t that be something to celebrate?    I’ll let you know when that happens.