Who WOULDN’T Hold Onto This?

Ok friends… do  not judge.

BUT, today I spent the day unpacking, and look at the fancy little number I came across… yes, you see correctly, a set of pewter champagne glasses … holding hands (see how the holding of hands creates a heart…. awwwhhhh so cute!).  I know at the time I thought this was very special, because they are NOT and have NOT been prominately displayed in any home I’ve lived in – they are still wrapped up tight in their original box.

A little piece of history about me, I used to save everything… everything.  I would save anything I valued, cherished it really.. take care of it like a newborn chick… tuck it away, safely, in the back of a drawer, deep dark corner of the closet.. look at it, touch it.. but never using it. Knowing it was there, safe and sound, made me happy.    My mom will tell you, it used to frustrate her to no end.  She would purchase common things for me (underwear, shoes, etc..) and I’d continue to wear the old ratty ones, while coveting the new ones, in their original package, until they no longer fit.   I’ve worked very hard at breaking this habit.  Now, if I don’t need something, I toss it out. No more storage, no more “holding on” to things that are not useful (it’s a wonder I’m still single… ). 

Obviously I still have a bit more “letting go” to do.  Because as I am unpacking some final boxes (mostly wedding and holiday stuff),  I came across my “together forever” champagne glasses.  Funny thing, I can tell you when I bought them, who I was with, what I was doing…..  the feeling of being at the Shakespeare Festival, in Novato,  eating corn on the cob, hanging out with my girlfriend Gina (no boyfriend as of yet)…..  the feeling of being there came rushing back.  It had to have been 1995…  maybe 1996. 

I did a bit of research, this set is now worth $100.  I know I didn’t pay anywhere near that because a) I didn’t have the money at the time, and b) the first time I spent $100 on one item was a pair of shoes….  (black high-heeled loafers from Macy’s)…

So, I will sell this one of a kind set  (looks like its a thriving business for the artists/pewtersmiths – http://www.fellowshipfoundry.com/perl-bin/catalog.cgi?ITEM=K010, but my combo is unique) but the memory will always be with me…

Crying on the Airplane.

What is it about sitting on an airplane, watching movies on the 12 inch monitor attached to the ceiling that makes me cry?  I’ve cried maybe a handful of times over the last year, most of which, has been on airplanes (non-airplane crying includes in my bed after receiving some bad news, and another time on the couch watching Crazy Heart…)

So tonight, I’m on a long flight, probably the longest flight you can take and still stay in the US – a Coast to Coast trip that takes 6 hours.  All for a good reason.  But because the flight was so long, they showed two movies.  Both movies brought me to tears. TWICE in one night (which would be awesome if it was speaking about a different situation….  huba huba huba).

The movies – Eat Pray Love and The Switch.  First, I read Eat Pray Love, and did not take a liking to it. I felt it was fake – here is a woman who got paid to spend a year off, running about in three exotic places, “discovering” herself, and writing about it.  We should all be so lucky.  I spent the 12 months after my divorce working, taking care of the cats, and learning to breathe again (as you have born witness to on this very blog).  So I would prefer to strip out the drama and learn about how other people did it; how they picked themselves up after a major heartbreak or “failure” and got back on track.  I’m also no Julia Roberts fan – she knows how to be herself, but really, outside of her goofy grin and giggle, what does she have?  There is an episode of Family Guy that makes fun of her..showcases how much she loves herself: Julia Roberts Loves Herself.    Its one of my favorite Family Guy clips.  😉  But, the result of watching this movie on the airplane?  Tears.  Damn.

The other movie – The Swith.   It does have Jennifer Aniston in it, not the best actress.. plays herself well, but she doens’t do it for me (I love the Kates –  Kate Windslet and Kate Blanchet).  Anyway, one of my favorite actors, Justin Bateman, is in the movie (loved him in Juno, fabulous in Arrested Development) so I gave it a chance.  It was cute.  Besides all the unnecessary drama, I liked it – the theme was about taking risks for love…  If there is anything worth taking a risk for, shouldn’t it be love (and money)?  Tears.  Double Damn.

I do not like to cry, and more importantly, I do NOT like displaying emotions in public.  Its nobody’s business what I’m going thru, and if I’m going thru something emotional, then I want to be doing it in the privacy of my own home.  Apparently not last night though, as I shed a bunch of tears while on a plane with a bunch of strangers – I let it be known that I’m actually a softy…    Thank god no one recognized me.

O.k.. I have dry lips and have to find my chapstick.

Cha Cha Cha Changes.

My life is about to change in a big way…. both good and bad.  Most of the changes in our lives happen due to unexpected events….    There are a lot of changes going on in my life right now, changes I can’t talk about, but changes that will alter the course of my life.  I’m scared.  I either make it or I don’t.   I have little to zero control over what has happened, but I am in control of what I do now…  how I react to the situation, how I move forward.  I’m taking it one day (maybe an hour??) at a time so anxiety doesn’t consume me.

In addition to these changes, I spend a lot of time at the end of the year reflecting on the year, my choices, life happenstance.  This year, I made a lot of choices that are irreversable, and now, things beyond my control have altered my lifestyle…  I’ve been thrown up in the air, my feet are facing the sky, my back is down, and I’m looking to turn it around before the new year begins…  we shall see.   I have no idea how I’m going to land, but I am making a plan to land on my feet.