New Laugh Lines.

A quick entry to share a bit about my holiday’s thus far.

I spent Thanksgiving with a good friend.  We made a fabulous dinner…  drank fantastic wine, watched a few great movies….   All in all, a great holiday.  I do have new laugh lines around my eyes, and the ones around my mouth, much deeper….  I blame my girlfriend… 

I just returned home from visiting with old friends…. friends I “gave up” in the divorce.   Stupidest thing…   I thought my EX would need their support…. I was insecure/unsure how to handle the split.. Iit was easier for me to just let it go.    It was the fabulous A that encouraged me to reach out, and I’m glad that I did.  Its been years, but catching up this evening with some good, quality friends was one of the best things that happened to me this year.  I have made some very good friends in my lifetime, and I’m happy to say that I’ve reconnected with some top quality, good peeps.  I’m glad they have accepted me back into their lives…. I’m lucky to know such kind and understanding friends. 

I have a lot to be thankful for.  This Thanksgiving I’m thankful for good friends and family, and the friends and family that push me a bit out of my comfort zone to do be better, do better, live stronger.

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Someone To Count On.

The move is over.  All items have been moved into my new home.  I now have the task of unpacking all my boxes, finding places for the things I have.    I moved from 1900 sq ft to 1200 sq ft so as I unpack, I will be selling stuff.  I do not plan on putting anything on storage – if I don’t use it, out it goes – I don’t need it.

The reason I write today is because of what is on my mind.  I have been very stressed out about my financial situation (no more cash cushion), the move, and my job.  Yes, when it rains, it pours.  I think there is a new strategy at play at work, and I will not be a part of this new strategy…  this news has come at a very bad time for me given my jump back into real estate.

This is the time that I would really love to have someone in my life that I could count on, that I could lean on.   Life is not easy – it often throws us curve-balls, I get it, but its at these times that it would be nice to have someone in my corner.  I am scared, I am stressed, I have a ton of anxiety….  I would love to be able to turn to a partner, my partner, and have them just give me a hug and say, “it will be o.k., we’ll get thru it together”.  I’d like to say I’ve had this in my life, but I haven’t.  I’ve had boyfriends that have comforted me, give me the support I needed, but alas it was not permanent.  My EX, did not know how to be supportive (compassionate, empathetice, etc..), but I thought that would change with marriage… FYI, it did NOT. 

Anyway, I think it takes a lot of work to have a relationship where someone truly has your back and you theirs.  That you can trust and they trust you – with your lives.   I have friends who have relationships like this, and its so nice to see its possible. 

My friends have been very supportive…  My peeps definitely take care of me, support me when I’m down, out, or otherwise dis-enchanted.  I’m lucky to have them in my life.

Moving Day is Here.

So, today is the LAST evening we will spend in our current home.  The cats and I are a movin’.  The place the ladies and I have call home, that we have rented for the last year and a half.   I cannot believe it, the beautiful craftsman home that has protected and comforted me during my reclusive years…..   I will never forget her.   I do wish I could have purchased her, but it just wasn’t meant to be.

My move tomorrow, into my new home, is what was meant to be.  Its a new adventure, a new beginning for  me.  I’m moving into my new home – a home I rearchitected (moved some walls around),  designed,  and pulled together.  I’ve worked with a wonderful construction crew who have given me guidance thru the process, and the outcome is more beautiful than I could have imagined on my own.   I know its the right place for me, in this time in my life.  But its different, and I’m still nervous… my heart is beating rapidly….   it feels surreal (I feel like I’m watching myself go thru it vs. really living it).   I think a part of the surrealness is just not believing is truly happening…

I am very lucky, very lucky indeed for this opportunity.  I’m excited to get  moved in and begin living my life.  I know I will next, become reclusive for a bit (once again)… but I will blossom I’m sure in the new year (I’m not much of a holiday type person.. too much focus on the wrong things like gifts and money vs. family and friends).. Anyway, I will get my new home in order quickly so that I can get back out there.

As most of you know, I’m really into New Years Day, but I am into the reflection and new beginnings that a new year gives us the opportunity to experience.  . I’ve already started reflecting on this year, what I’ve accomplished and not accomplished, how I’ve changed, how my goals have changed….  and looking inside myself to figure out where I want to go/what I want to do/be in the next year. 

O.k.. so, now that I’ve taken some time to reflect on what is happening, I need to get off my duff and finish packing.  Three strong men are coming to my house at 9am tomorrow to move my furniture and boxes into the new house.  We should be done by noon.  So by noon PST, the hardest part of the day will be over, and the settling in process can begin.