New Home is Coming Along.

Home Sweet Home

I stopped by the new house today. Check out the progress.  The electrical work was signed off by the city, the insulation and wallboard goes in. By Friday, the house will seem like a house (instead of a disaster area).   I’ve been taking pictures along the way, so I’ll post some of the good before and after’s on the site.

I am 8 weeks into construction, and I have another 4 weeks to go.  I will be moving in early November.  Its crazy to think how this stroke of good luck came to me….

Anyway, I’ve attached a picture of the front of the house as it looks today.   The reason I decided to post the picture is because much wont change from what you see except the color.  To stay on budget, there are a few things that I just cant afford to do right now: 

  • fixing the delapidated/leaning front porch
  • add the new back deck
  • replace the yard/lawn area in the front as well as on the sides

All in all, these are items that are very nice to haves, but not must-haves.  Must haves are a kitchen, laundry room, bathrooms, etc..   As long as I can live in it comfortably, the rest will just have to wait.

Fig, Figs, and more Figs.

I have a fantastic fig tree in my backyard.  It is amazing.  Not only does it look good, it produces. And boy, this year with all the extra rain, it will have given me what feels like 1000’s of figs.

So,  I’ve been picking figs for a while now, picking and eating the ripe figs on a daily basis.  Now, more figs are ripening, and its happening at a pretty steady clip.  To give you an idea, last Saturday I picked 10 pounds of ripe figs from the tree!   Thats right, 10 pounds. I know for sure because I put them in a bag and then on the scale.  I measured twice.  10.1 pounds of figs.

Now, when I was picking the figs, I was NOT able to get the ones at the very tip top of the tree. I got the ones at my level (6 feet or below). I climbed into the tree and got all the ones in the tree and that were reachable from the strong arms of the tree.  However, there were some gorgeous, ripe figs that I was unable to reach (mostly at the top of the tree). 

I was sharing my fig-picking story with my friends, and they offered up a friend of theirs who is very very tall (unbeknownst to him).  It was all fun and games (but not entirely a bad idea – he is a  cutie!!).  Anyway, I accepted the offer to borrow a real fruit picker, which I will pick up this weekend (just to clarify, I’m borrowing a tool, not the guy).

So,  with my fig bounty, I spend all day Sunday preparing fig treats.   

  •  I made a batch of fig jam which is so good AND it has half the sugar of what the recipe called for – here is the fig preserve recipe I used, its De-Licious!!  
  • I am still drying about 2 lbs of figs now (the natural way, I do not have a dehydrator)
  • I took a bunch to work for co-workers
  • And still have 2 pounds or so left over for my personal eating pleasure

Needless to say, I went to bed Sunday in Fig Heaven.   Ahhhh..

But Monday morning, around 4am, I woke up with a start.  I heard major wrestling outside….  I got up, looked out the window, and there were what appeared to be a dozen raccoons on the grass and in the fig tree ..  having a party.  They were moving and shaking, talking to one another, it literally was a ‘coon bash in my backyard. 

I now lock the cats in the house in the evenings because of the raccoons so I knew they were safe,  but I went outside anyway to scare the raccoons off.  Hardly.  I threw rocks at the ones on the ground and they just scurried themselves up and into the tree. They totally didn’t care about me or the rocks…..  One of them climbed to the top of the tree and began eating a fig – just kept eating without a care in the world. 

Funny thing – they weren’t afraid of me, but when they started wresting around in the tree because of the flash on my camera, I got so scared I ran into the house, my heart beating wildly!  I’m such a wuss!

I will got out and pick figs again this Saturday…  and I plan to can a few (the mormon/polygamist is coming out in me).. as well as make fig and raisin bread pudding….   I welcome other suggestions as I have a lot of figs!

Moved On… Mostly.

So, I feel that I’ve mostly moved on (from the divorce).  I thought I had completely recoverd until recently. 

Most of the time when I think about th EX and his behaviors,  I just shrug and say “oh well,  his deal, not mine” and just move on.   I do this 90% of the time.  But that other 10% …well, I still have some work to do. 

You see, my EX is getting re-married.  Marrying the woman he cheated on me with (or one of the women, who knows).  This in and of itself doesn’t bother me, what is bothering me, and gets my blood boiling, is the years of my life he wasted.

For years my Ex was somewhere else…. check-out, missing, out of touch, disconnected. I asked him, over and over again, about  about his happiness, our relationship, his distance.  In fairness, we had a lot going on, it was not easy.  I struggled, he struggled…..  We struggled independently, never together.  Our struggles did not bring us closer.  I wanted them to, I asked and asked what I could do… I always got nothing – he said he was “fine”.

BUT he wasn’t fine.  He was living a double life – obviously very unhappy in his “public” life, but he never said anything.  I think this is what ultimately still gets be all worked up (the feelings I’ve not dealt well with) is the frustration/anger over the EX’s dishonesty.  The EX could have left in 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007..  I was begging him for communication, honesty and truth. I Gave him an out every time… I just wanted him to be happy, even if that meant NOT with me.   But he bold face lied to me  – said he was “fine”.   My nievate, his words, or a combination of both, made me believe that we could make it.  Knowing what I know now, makes me realize what a dumb ass I was.   And I HATE feeling like I’ve been played.

Its not my nievate that bugs me (it will soon enough though), its his dishonesty and the time I wasted because of it.   Had he just been honest with me, I could be in an entirely different place.  Had he said what he really felt (or at the very least talked about what he was doing), we could have seperated/divorced in 2005 (which is when I think he “disconnected”) and  I would be in an entirely different place. My life could have involved a new family, a loving husband, etc…. Now, at 40, I realize, I will be a great step-mom…   Three years is not a big deal on the larger scheme of things, but 3 years at 35-36 is a very big deal.

Yes, I hear you, another pitty party for Paula…  but honestly, its really hard NOT to think about how different my life could be right now had the EX  had an ounce of integrity and had just been honest.

Now, I am aware that I chose to stay in a less-than-ideal relationship, but I did it for the right reasons – I was in love.  I really thought/believed/felt that we could make it.  Had I known what I know today, I would have made very different decisions. And this is what frustrates me.  I wasn’t given the option to make the decisions that were best for me.

The good news is is that I believe this to be the last hurdle.  I do think that after I resolve my feelings about this I will be ready to get back out there.

Sometimes it just take a while to rebound, and my journey has been long and hard – 2008-2010 where the years of recovery and discovery.   2008 and 2009 are a bit hazy, 2010 has been a year of learning and getting myself back to the same place I was 10 years ago. You could say I’ve gone full circle, I’ve landed in the same “space” (obviously much older, wiser, and more mature) that I was 10 years ago –  I’m once again the “single, unmarried woman”, purchasing a house in an “up and coming” neighborhood…  

But 2011, 2011 will be my year, another Year of the Paula.  … . New home, healthy cats, a “daugther” with a degree, and now room in my heart and life for a new and loving partner.  2011 will be my year.   Watch out Paula fans!!