Not Just Your Regular Monday.

Today was a tough Monday.  I have a lot to do at work, and 2 fewer days to get it done in – I’m taking vacation this week to visit family in Utah.   Knowing I had a lot to do, I went to bed early on Sunday evening.  And I never would have expected the Monday that I had.

First,  the cats were up very early this morning.  They were running around, chasing something.  I wanted to sleep so I put my eye pillow on and ear plugs in my ears….  and when I woke up at 7am, this is what I almost killed myeslf to NOT smash into the carpet.  Yes, you see correctly, a dead mouse. Apparently its been licked clean and was delivered at the foot of my bed with pride. 

It’s obvious it was  a great gift if soley based on the efforts of the two furry creatures that brought such a treasure to me.  The cats were exhausted from all their efforts.. here they are, sleeping. They did not stir once while I was getting ready for work.  Not at all.  They usually get up, get a bite to eat, then like to say good-bye to me.  Nope, not this morning.  It was as if they were saying “take your present, now keep it down”.

I went off to work without so much as a kiss, a lick, a look.  😦   Work was work, I’m learing a lot.  Its starting too feel not so overwhelming.  But like I’ve stated numerous times, there is a lot of work.  I end up working a bit late and eating a bag of chips for dinner.  I got home, fed the cats, got into my jammies, and started working again.

Spider In the HallwayIts been about 30 minutes, and the cats have just come into the house with another ‘prize’.  Alive.  They are/were chasing it around the house…  the poor thing has hidden itself somewhere safely and they are stalking it…. waiting for it to feel safe enough to come out, then WHAM!  In addition to this nonsense, the spiders are coming out (Spring/Summer in CA). To your left is what I found in the hallway, on my way to bed.  Yes, that is a QUARTER under the spider.  The thing is enormous.  I do not believe in killing anything, so the damn thing is still in the hall.  I’ve closed the bedroom door…. fingers crossed that it stays where it is now and doesn’t travel any closer to me…

So with a day like today, I’m going to hit the sack, and wish for a better, less active, furry day.  I need to get a good nights sleep – I have a LOT of work to do/finish up tomorrow!!


The Cat Cave.

So, I’ve been far too busy with work AND most recently with alergies/sinuses.  All very unpleasant to talk about, so I’ve spent the last few weeks alone (because I’m not that intersting company these days).

Given this, I’ve enjoyed my “cave”. My cave is my entire home (since I don’t have to share).   We all know about this, the cave, the spot, the one place we can call our own, that we can be ourselves in.  Prior to my divorce, it was the guest room (otherwise known as the “red couch room”).  Now I have the whole house to myself.  🙂

The cats have also had the run of the house, but even though they are allowed in every room, I think they also want a place place they call home.  Its under a rose bush in the backyard.  They love hanging out there – it gives them privacy but also views of the “goings on” in the neighborhood.  

I noticed the cats love for this spot, as did a friend of mine.  Before his departure, he made sure that the cats would have room to rest in their “cat cave”…   I didn’t realize how nice it is FOR ME for the cats to have this space.. a place to call their own, a place I find them on a daily basis.  Attached is a picture of Zoey enjoying the shade of the roses on a warm summer day.

Work has been especially tough lately, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of how lucky I am that a) there is a safe spot for the cats to call their own, and b) that I have friend that made it all happen without me asking.  What a treasure.

Work Is Tough Work.

God, I’m exhausted.  I’ve been thinking 5 full days a week for 4 full weeks.  I cannot believe that I actually signed up for this.  But I did, so I’m going to stick it out.  Here are the things I love:

  • The People. They are awesome. I’ve still not met a not-nice or politically motivated person. Everyone seems sincerely interested in the best interest of the company.
  • The Supporting Technology.  The new company has the best supporting software… for example, they use WebEx and not LiveMeeting. I cannot tell you how much easier this makes remote meetings.  From creating a meeting, joining a meeting, giving and taking presenter mode, and most of all, performance.  It truly is remarkable how much easier this makes my job.
  • Internal Systems.  Wow, what a difference. They use Fidelity for 401k, for managing opportunities (customers, prospects, etc)… honestly, this makes taking care of business, personal and business so much easier.

These are just the little things that make a huge difference in my day to day life.  And it matters to me because I want to spend my time making money, not doing house-keeping…

I’m exhausted and I’m heading to bed soon.   Tonight is the first night that I’ve not worked… .I’m having a cocktail and watching recorded TV shows from the last 4 weeks (who doesn’t love 30 Rock, the Office, and Family Guy?).  I’m heading to bed in a few minutes…. exhausted but smiling.  And tomorrow I KNOW I have a full day of work… I have meetings until 5pm.. who would have thunk that this Paula would work a full Friday???

A Perfect Evening.

So, I’m sitting outside, enjoying a beautiful sunset on my patio. I have a small patio off my dining room that has a small table, two chairs, and a few plants that a friend helped me plant.  The cats are sharing a chair, keeping each other warm  and happy.  I’m in the other chair, typing away, having a cocktail, and enjoying a gorgeous evening outside.

I live on a busy corner but traffic had died down. I’m having a cocktail to smooth out the tough (but not really that tough, more draining) day of trying to understand the ins-and-outs of a new software application.  My mind is spent in the sense that I could not have an intelligent conversation right now about anything, but not too spent to talk to my favorite folks.

My birthday is in a few days, and just like New Years, I take this event as an opportunity to learn more about myself, reshape my life,  direct it down a new path.  I turn 39….   and it feels good.  No, I’m not where I thought I would be, but where I have landed is pretty darn good.  Tonight, it is on a beautiful patio with a job I like, my darling furry feline babies kissing each other, a cocktail in hand,  a smile on my face, and a GREAT bed to fall into.  

So, tonight I toast myself, my little ladies, and my friends – for making my new life as great as it is.

If she were “your own”.

Really?  Does a person that says this really feel that love  would feel differently if I had bore a child, delivered one out of my loin?  That because I didn’t haven’t physically given birth I’m truly unable to love a kid completely and unconditionally??

I just arrived home after an evening out with friends and friends of friends.  At my age, its common to get the “you don’t have kids?”..”wow, you are really missing out on something.” comments.   However, tonight was the night that it just pissed me off.    So, last night, when talking with a wife of a good friend of one of my best friends, I lost it.  My response was not what the wife or I expected. 

Honesly, I just fundamentally do not understand it –  why do people think “carrying and delivering” is a measure of love, and why in the world, would they think they are superior because they’ve done both (this assumes they love their kid)… It just doesn’t make any sense. So those folks who adopt kids dont know true love?   Its very flawed to think that the love for a child, the aspiration for a better life  for the kid, the US, the world CANNO be at the same depth as someone who physically delivers a kid.  I call bullshit. 

Shame on society and/or people who feel they are superior because they have ‘had’ kids.  IMO, just because they have had sex and produced offspring and are quite possibly only temporarily together (divorce rate is 50%+ these days),  they feel more deserviing of credit than the rest of us. 

SO tonight was the last night I just nodded  my head and look like I’m agreeing with the statement.  Its bullshit and I’m going to call you on it.  If you want to approach  me with the “you dont know…..” story, I’m going to give you an earfull.  It will start with a “You are dillusional”…. “pull your head out of your ass”…  “so love for a child is measured on child birth? … what about all those folks that adopt?”  

There is something to be said for those of us who who love kids that are already on this planet like one of our own.

So, while the rest of you explain to me why the love I feel for my neice is “different” because I didn’t give birth to her, I’m booking my ticket home to see “my kid”, her family, and visit the place I call home.