It’s Just You?.

“It’s Just You?

This is the question I get from everyone who comes over to my house. The  house I rent.  I absolutely love the house I live in – Its a gorgeous, 1800 sq ft, 3bdr-1bath Craftsman home in the Barrio.  I am, for all intensive purposes, the whitest person you will meet. Not only do I have zero color,  I do NOT speak Spanish (as hard as I might try, its no good… someday I will share a couple of stories on my attempts….).   I am not the norm in the neighborhood, I already ‘stick out’ if you will.  So, its not odd that I get a question or two about where  I live, how I live, etc, its the reaction I recieved this evening that I found particularly interesting.

So, this evening was a girls get-together. I’m lucky that I have such great girlfriends in my life, and we meet on a fairly regular basis, about once every 3 months.  There are always 6-8 of us, and of course, we all love to catch up with the “goings-on” in each others’ lives.  Honestly, I’m so lucky to know ladies like these…

Anyway, I get home this evening and a car is blocking my driveway.  Not in a 6 -12 inches past the curb, but literally, a car (White older model Toyota Celica) in the full length of my driveway.  Tonight was the night I lost it, pushed to the end, where my patience with humanity ended (for the time being).   I called the police to have the car towed (which I don’t like to do – IMO public servants are here for emergency purposes, not for domestice disturbances/disputes).  Now, since I live in the barrio, I often let it ride… let it slide… don’t make a big deal about it because I do not want to be ‘tagged’, wake up with grafiti on my fence, or worse yet, be tagged for a criminal act (rape, burglury, etc.).

SIDENOTE: Zoey just came in with weeds, slugs, and grass all over her.  She has obviously had a good time rolling about the yard this evening.

SIDENOTE 2:  Tow-truck is here. I can see the flashing lights and hear the engine working to back up to get a good position…  oohhh, I can hear the tow truck guy talking to the cop, they are friends… yeah for me, someone is looking out for me. Two strangers, yes, but better than nobody!

Back to the point of this story. I call the police because I’ve reached the breaking point -I cannot pull into my driveway.. and I pay a lot of money to live in the house  IN the Barrio.  Cop shows up almost immediately…  and asks me, no less than 3 times… “Its just you?  Just you? Are you sure its just you?”..  I say yes, I rent the house, no family in the basement… yes, my driveway…  yes, i called.. no, there is no family members in the basement..”.. on and on.  I bring this up because he has got to be the 100th person to ask me, “It’s just you?”…   My first response for quite some time  was, “well, me and the cats”, but that didn’t work well.  Answering with a simple “Yes” is the best choice… .

Why is it so strange that a single woman with two cats live in a house (vs. a condo) by herself?  Yes, the house has more space than I need, but its not like I had much choice. I would love to rent a 2bdr, 1ba home… they just are few and far between.  And I’m glad I have a 3bdr – I have an office (which I use as paper storage mostly) and a guest room for all the friends and family that come and stay with me.  I love when people visit me, so I do love having the space for them to feel comfortable, spread out in.

Now that I’m reading my own post, I realize that I’ve not really made a point here (and the tow truck is still outside so I think I’m really just trying to look busy).  I guess if I have to make a point, my point is, Single people have rights too, and sometimes those rights include living in a house that may appear like a lot of space, but that is o.k..  It is just me.  And the cats.  And we deserve to live fabulously.

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The New Job.

 So, 3 full days into the new job, and so far so good.   Even after my 3rd day of getting up early, showering, getting dressed, and driving into work,  I’m still doing it with a smile on my face.  For me, this is proof positive that I’ve made the right decision. 

I have been learning about a whole new market segment as well as learning the ups and downs of the new products I will become intimately familiar with.  Its all very exciting and manageable.  And I can see how I can make money doing it.  Thats what I need, money, so I can by a little piece of California real estate.

So far, here is what I’m loving about the new company:

  • The People. All of the folks I’ve met so far are so nice.  Must be a requirement to work here…  This was the hardest part about leaving my old job…  Loved my co-workers.
  • The Company.  They fundamentally believe that their people are the most valuable asset and they back this up with great benefits and opportunity.  May seem small, but matching 401K and good health benefits make a big difference to me.
  • That I Get It.  That I understand what the products are about, the problems they are solving.  Product is pretty easy to learn and demo – ramp up time is one month. 
  • Learning Something New.  I’m learning a whole new market and industry.  Very cool.
  • Last but not least, Opportunity.  There is so much opportunity at this new company – they are growing in a healthy, defined way.  They are profitable. They have a healthy pipeline.  It’s mine to ruin.  I know I can make something happen for me…. my destiny is in my hands.

There is one bad thing about it though… the cats are very disappointed that I’m not home to take care of them.  They have been very needy when I have been home.  As a matter of fact, I’m typing this post up with a cat sprawled across my lap, one paw on the keyboard.  They like to eat at 4pm, I’ve not been home until after 6pm every night.  And I’m so tired that I’ve been eating dinner and then heading to bed… no going out for happy hours, much less drinking, but no exercise.

I will have to learn to find a balance – to make sure that I take care of myself and that the cats adjust…

A New Life.

Wow, I’m sitting in my bed right now, realizing that life as I know it is going to end. Waking up at 7:55am, rolling into the home office at 8am for a call in my PJ’s is not going to happen for quite a while ….  ( I know, I know, anyone that knows me KNOWS that these are very generous timeframes)..

I now have a job that requires me to be in an office at 9am ish on a daily basis.  This is a BIG DEAL.  I honestly do NOT know how I’m going to deal with this… let alone how its going to effect the cats.  What are we all going to do at 6:3o am on Monday?  Shock and awe is what we all are going to experience.

BTW, do a quick search on new job, and here is an article you will get:  http://careerplanning.about.com/cs/firstjob/a/new_job.htm  I love it.  “Fitting In” and “What to Wear”.  If this is what my new colleagues are worried about, they are in quite a shocker.  These are not my issues.   God help anyone that interferes with me tommorrow before 10am (is that nice to say on the eve of my new job??).

Lordy lordy….. how am I going to do it?  8am IN THE OFFICE?  Go to bed now is key.  Good night yo’ll.

Making Progress.

 This is a New Years Resolution update as well as a personal progress report.

I’m happy to share that I’ve lost 3 lbs to date. I know its not much, and I dont think you would really notice, but I’m happy the scale is moving in a downward direction. I’ve been able to accomplish this by adding additional workouts into my existing diet and exercise routine. I’ve signed up for a personal trainer for one hour a week (2 30 minute sessions twice a week). The trainer kicks my butt… and its working. I’m working on losing 7 more lbs before my birthday, which is in 1 month. Wish me luck!

I start my new job next week. I’m very excited about it. I think there is a lot of opportunity at my new company, and it feels good to feel so positive and energized about going to work. Given this, I’m chalking this up as the right change at the right time. All goodness.

On the financial front, I’m almost done with my taxes, and am working on getting pre-approved for a mortgage… I may not make the leap into home ownership just yet (I do live in CA, I think the market has not bottomed out), but it is helping me get my financial house in order. I like that.

Lastly, I’ve cut back on the booze. I know, I know, the folks that saw me at my local watering hole on Friday might not agree, but when I’m home alone, I’m not drinking nearly as much. As a matter of fact, I’ve had almost zero to drink since Sunday – which is unusual for me. Yes, I’ve been traveling and staying with family, but the big change for me is that I don’t miss it. Yes, I am looking forward to a glass (or two) of wine tonight with dinner, but I don’t have to have it, which is what I was concerned about (the need vs. the want). I attribute this change in large part to my new years resolution to NOT take a final-final cocktail to bed with me. A small behavioral change that has had a relatively big impact in my life.

So, things are moving forward. Slowly, but with purpose. Captain of my ship…. moving in a new and different direction. That, my friends, is progress in my book.

Lucky To Be Alive.

I’m in Utah now, spending a few days with family.  I am here to work on purchasing another rental property, however, this trip’s purpose has taken another turn….   I am now here to see my niece.

She and her husband were in an accident on Friday night.  They were driving along a rural road in the evening, and came across a group of cows. They slowed down, but one of the cows moved out in front of the car and they were unable to stop – They hit the cow head on.  The cow flew over their car.  My niece and her husband are alive and well for the most part.  the cow, is dead.

Events like this make you realize that life is so short.  Sometimes we have just a brush with Death… and hopefully use these events to think about our lives, and how lucky we are to be alive.  This accident could have had a very different and disastrous outcome. We, the family, feel so lucky that it ONLY produced a totaled car, a dead cow, and a few injuries, back and foot and some facial lacerations, that will heal.   This is why I will be out of pocket tomorrow – I’m going to see my niece and do my best to take care of her, even if its just for a day.

I cannot wait to see her. I’ll take a few pictures – I hear her face is black and blue from hitting the airbag.  Better than it would have looked had her head hit the windshield I’m sure.

I’ll report later… out.

New Job.

So, some big news to report.   I resigned from my current job.  I have accepted a new job, same position, with another company.

I have been unhappy with my company and my role for over a year now.  I don’t take switching jobs lightly (I do have a lot of responsibilities, including  two cats to provide for, rent, mortgage, etc.. !!), but something had to be done.   I did speak to my manager several times about my dissatisfaction and have offered up multiple solutions.  Nothing was done on their side, so it felt like it was time for me to move on.

I view my relationship with a company a lot like my personal relationships – All I can do is communicate my feelings/needs, be communicative, and open to options.  If the other person/company doesn’t respond, then they aren’t interested in growing together…  And I’m not interested in spending one moment in an “unhappy” state with anyone, including an employer.

So there you have it.  Captain of my ship and I’m steering my boat in a different direction.

My firsts day is April 19th and I’m excited about it.  Its feels good to be excited, to be  starting over and doing something new.!!

Here is How It Happened.

Grrrrhhh.  O.k. So for whatever reason, I’ve received numerous emails this week from past work associates asking me why I’ve gone back to my maiden name.  These are folks still work with the Ex…I would love it if they would just ask him.  I know that the Ex and I were not doing well, but here are the turn of events that broke the camel’s back:

  • 2008 – Feb. – I went to Utah for two weeks to get two rental properties ready to sell. I lost my job. I decided to stay longer than the 2 weeks originally scheduled (why not, I’d lost my job).
  • 2008 – Early March – I was at one of my condo’s, cleaning it up to put it on the market, began looking for a job, learned to snowboard, drank to much, cried to much, saw family. One friend came to visit me.  I ASKED the EX to join me anytime, he was always too busy (you’ll see with what in a minute).
  • 2008 – Late March – I got a job, start date was middle of April.  The Ex came to visit me, said he wanted to make our relationship work.  I thought we decided together that we wanted the marriage to work.  I was sorely mistaken. What I think he meant to say was “please so no, I like someone else”.
  • 2008 – Early April – I arrived back in CA, ready to give our marriage another go (for what seemed like the 100th time).  The Ex and I had several “work” trips planned but I thought we agreed to work around it.   He took a “business trip”.. I then used this same suitcase for my trip. My trip was to Dallas for my new job.   As I packed my things into the suitcase, I found a condom.  I asked the Ex about it. Here were his excuses:
    • “Its one of ours”.  My response:  “No, its not, I checked. And we haven’t had sex in ages, which is one of my issues with this marriage”.
    • “Someone else put it there”.  My response:  “I found the condom on the INSIDE of the bag. Who would have access to put the condom on the inside?”   I remember thinking to myself, Um, yeah, that’s what TSA folks do to have a good laugh – stick condoms in random people’s bags.

The fact is, he was lying.  He was cheating and he was lying about it.  As the Ex drove me to the airport for my trip (yes, mere minutes after finding the condom),  I said I was done.  And I was.  The drama was so unnecessary.  He wanted to be somewhere else – go for it.  There was no argument from the Ex about the separation.   We just put the house on the market, sold it, and moved on.

Funny story, we were still living together, I think it was sometime in May of 2008 (around my birthday I believe), the Ex marked his FaceBook profile as Single.  Email/alerts went out to everyone… close friends, colleagues, family, etc.. Here we were, still living together, and he wanted to make sure someone knew he was available.  I brought it to his attention, he apologized, but the damage was done.

Anyway, I don’t know his timeline after this.  What I do know is that the Ex must have been busy “entertaining” without his condoms, because he got a co-worker pregnant. He now lives in Miami with his baby mama (who also happened to be married to someone else at the time…).

Why do I take the time to explain this now?  Because for whatever reason, I just received multiple emails from colleagues that don’t know we are divorced.  As with anything, word does get around. I also wish I could send a link to this posting to everyone and just say, “here is the story”, but I don’t want to blow my cover.  But this is the truth.

I am frustrated that this is a part of my life, the fact that I’m am in any way, shape, or form part of the Ex’s drama. It didn’t have to be this way – but it is because he was a coward with me.   Strong words, I know.  Just really frustrated right now.

Lesson learned for me:

  1. I will not and do not let this experience define me. I love men, I think there are a lot of good ones out there, I just didn’t pick one the first time around.  So be it. There is always a next time.
  2. Actions speak louder than words.  I will always pay attention to actions. If the actions don’t meet their words, then I’m moving on.  Hope is for the birds.  As a friend once said to me, “If a guy wants to be with you, he will show up”.

And thats all she said…. for now.  😉