Safe at Home.

O.k..  So, I’ve been living in a rental property for six months now.   The house did not have a pet door installed, so I’ve been leaving the back door open (despite the fact that I don’t live in the safest of neighborhoods (but who of us really does??)).  This has made me feel uncomfortable and somewhat unsafe.   I did it because it was the best thing for the cats — they dont use a litter box and they do ‘their business’  (among other things) outside.     Even when I’m home, on calls or what not, I have left the back door open.  When I leave the house and I think I’m going to be gone for more than a couple of hours, I have left the door ajar.  It did weigh on me, made me feel uneasy.

But today, no more leaving the back door ajar.  A very dear friend of mine came over with all his tools of the trade, and helped me (well, really he did all the work, I just left him alone  as to not annoy him) install a cat door.  He pulled out a glass panel on the back door, put a cat-door in a piece of plywood, and put the plywood with the cat door in it in space where the glass panel once lived.  OH MY GOD, this is the best thing EVER.  The cats learned to get in/out thru the door almost immediately (not that challenging, they are very smart cats).  I feel SO LIBERATED and SAFE.  It is probably one of the best things that has happened to me in the last 6-8 months.   It is like being in fog/smog for hours/days.. and all of a sudden breathing in fresh air.    It is somewhat of a indescribable feeling, but also one that is intangible.  Like a weight that has been lifted!  

Here is an example:  I went to get my haircut today and have a few drinks with friends. Usually I would leave the door ajar… and hope that another cat didn’t come in or that I was robbed.  Today, I didn’t think once about  it… it did not enter my thoughts at all.  Its amazing that this small things has given my brain room to relax…

So, of course I got home and starting thinking … What is the feeling of being safe?  What is that feeling worth to you?  What is the value of a friend who would selflessly give that to you?  Priceless in my book.  I’m ready to cry at how much safter I feel, and it is a matter of 6 inches… the 6 inches that my back door is NOT open to strangers walking/stalking me.  Priceless. (o.k … for those of you reading, yes, I get what “6 inches” means to you… don’t  contact me… I get it). 

O.k.. I realize I get a little “gushy” at times…     But that feeling of safety is priceless…   The cats have already become acclimated to the opening.. they dont care, as long as they have access (o.k. yes, sounds a lot like a marriage of convenience.. )…  For me, the obligation is worth it — I’m heading to bed in a few minutes and I dont have to go outside in my pajamas and whistle for them to come home… They will come in when they are good and ready and I can go to bed.

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Speed Bumps.

So I have two cats… they are cat-dogs really – cats by body, dogs by nature.  They love attention and human company.   I love them dearly, and couldn’t imagine my life without them… although, at times, it does seem that life would be much easier if I didn’t have to concern myself with having to love, feed, and care for two very demanding (but very tiny) little ladies.

Anyway, the story I share tonight is about one of the ladies, Zoey.  She is the “baby”, the furry one, the one with the sweetest disposition, and really only cares about taking care of and/or receiving care from her mother, Sophie.  She is an amazingly loving cat, the gentlest soul you will ever meet. 

Tonight I did a face plant in my dining room.  Now, its not what you think – its not because I drank to much or there were no lights on.  It is entirely due Zoey.  I had just let the cats into the house, from outside.  They do get excited to be let in.. tonight being no different.  Zoey ran ahead of me and “threw” her body in the path…. the walk-way between the front door and the kitchen.  She was seeking attention of course.. and yes, she got it, and I gave it to her, but not in the way either one of us was expecting. 

In order for me to NOT step on her, I tried to step over her (up-size my regular step)… lost a slipper, twisted my ankle, and now have what can only be described at “carpet burns” on the side of one knee.  Yes, I went down like a Wall Street bank, a crumbling house of cards… but I did survive, and Zoey is un-injured, unharmed, and in perfect condition. 

Of couse, had anyone seen this, they would have committed me.  Once I hit the ground and realized I was o.k… I laughed for a full five minutes.  Hysterial… at least to me.  But of course, Zoey got exactly what she wanted – she dragged herself over to me, stretched out, and meowed.. she was completely irresible I had to reach over and pet her.  Of course, I realize now, that all I have done is reinforce this behavior, which means, that I can expect a few more “trips”.

But it got me to thinking about “speed bumps”.  Speed bumps are fairly common.  They are typically used to slow things down, to reduce velocity.  I couldn’t help but think about life as I was laying on the ground, injured.   What typically happens when life throws a small (or large) speed bump in our path?  The “speed bump” could be anything, it could be something as simple as a friend who is tardy for a dinner date, a car breakdown , a job loss, or god-forbid, an illness.  Whatever.  What is important, or what defines us in general, is how we respond to the speedbump.  Do we get angry, feel despair, lash out, do nothing?

Sometimes it takes a major tragedy or setback  to stop us in our tracks (like a divorce, financial devastation, etc) .  But its these smaller, everyday bumps that serve up important  life lessons.  Question is, are we able to recognize them and use them as opportunities to improve ourselves and the lives of others?   Wouldn’t it be nice if people could see these speed bumps for what they are – an opportunity to slow down and relax?  To experience these “bumps” as adventures, an unavoidable part of life, a chance to gently apply the brakes, taking a deep breath, and enjoying (tolerate) the ride (and others)?  To make a difference in our lives (thru the response) and others (by being kinder, gentler, more patient, etc)?

So where am I?  Feeling very lucky.  Yes, a tiny bit injured, but safe none-the-less.  I smile at the fact that I have such love in my life, that my little lady is willing to throw her body in harms way just to get a few minutes with me. Now that feels good!!

Kenny Rodgers – Lady.

Driving home tonight I listened to/sang along with Kenny Rogers –  Lady. This is one of the best songs ever.  Ever.  Reminds me of what “it” is all about.  Yes, the song is cheesy, but really, its about adoring someone, loving someone, feeling so deeply for someone that you dont ask/need anything in return. Its all about sharing how YOU feel about someone else.  How someone else has changed your life (in a good way) that you couldn’t imagine life without them, because “it”, life, wouldn’t be nearly as interesting, fun, loving, adventurous….

If you think this post is rediculous and you want your time back, too bad!!   Another KR song you have to read the lyrics to:  “I Can’t Unlove You“…  breaks my heart.  Makes me realize how fragile we are, as humans, when it comes to matters of the heart.  Kenny  he’s so dreamy, although I do love the “old Kenny look”.. scruffy, furry face, feathers in his hair…. than man is just a class act. 

O.k., one last KR favorite.  Its a duet he does with Dolly Parton, oh yes it is, its Islands in the Stream.  I know every word and sang this song with my twin over a thousand times.  It is such a catchy tune, gets me moving… and grooving… . and really sings about the magic two people can share….  how you can really bond, create a connection, and have a fabulous time doing it!!

I love you Kenny!!!!

Taxpayers get Nothing.

So, I went out to dinner and drinks with a co-worker…..   On my drive home I listened to NPR, National Public Radio.  The story of the hour was about releasing prisoners from our “overcrowded” California prison system.  You can find it here:  http://www.kqed.org/epArchive/R902110900

I have to say, I’m totally appauled, pissed, steamed, and completely frustrated with our society, and specifically with California, that we care more about the prisoners than the contributing members of society, the victims of people who have been hurt/maimed/damanged by the prisoners, and the people who are ULTIMATELY responsible for footing the bill for these clowns.    Soooo… these people, in prison, are dangerous..  But appparently, this doesn’t matter, because in a financial crisis, it seems that you can actually get a “get out of jail free” card.  I did not know this. Had I known this, I would not have behaved and lived as conservatively has I have; as a  contributing member of society.  If I could have smoked pot, drank to my hearts content, and lived off others paychecks, I certainly would have. 

Seriously, who are the smart ones here …. the ones trying to make a living and abide by the rules/regulations of the land, or those, living it up at the taxpayers expense?   Apparently I picked the wrong option.  I wished I had NOT  “tried” to get a new job  (when I lost mine last year),  wish I was still “working” at walking my ass down to the unemployment office and picking up a paycheck…. nodding my head and saying thanks to all the clowns rushing to and fro work.   Lord knows I would have had a fabulous time doing the irresponsible thing… maybe worked on my tan or finding just the right placement for that new tatoo I’ve been thinking about.  

My cynicym right now comes from Obamas “spend” plan…..  I really dont think we can spend ourselves out of this mess (isn’t overspending what got us to htis point? I’m I the only one that sees this?!?)  ….  Why do we have so  many people who cant budget, who feel entitled to something they didn’t earn?  What has caused our society to have so many people on US dole, who dont contribute to the system but feel that the system owes them something??? 

Think about the woman who just had 8 kids (“owns” 6 more), thanks to invitro.. did we mention that she doeesn’t have a job and lives on welfare??  Oh yeah, when was I given the choice to steralize her??  Oh no, I wasn’t, but now as a taxpayer in CA, I “get” to support her and her kids…. . oh sure, its in my best interest.  You think??  YOu really thinks its in the best interest for everyone else to foot the bill for this idiot and her litter?…. Well, I DO NOT think so.  This woman should get nothing, her kids should be taken away and given to people who CAN take care of them.  Period.  We should not reward this woman and all the other women/men out there that do this kind of thing!  What I can tell you is that instead of supporting her lame ass, I’d like to keep my money that is automatically deducted out of every paycheck and go to Europe.  Thats in my best interest…travel.. keeps me calm, makes me happy…   What IS NOT  in my best interest is supporting someone elses kids (clothing them, feeding them, medicating them, etc)…  Gees.

Ok., back to NPR.  After the discussions I heard on NPR, seems that people out there think we should be taking care of the early release prisoner, finding them a place to live, giving them a chance to acclimate.  Did anyone ask their victims if they wanted to be a victim of a senslesss, unplanned crime? Probably not.  So why not an eye for an eye?  Arm for an arm…. tooth for a tooth? F*%$ them… I could not care less about how much the criminals are “trying”..shoulda thought of that before hurting someone else senslessly.

This Paula is sooooooooooooooooooooo sick of hearing about perpatrators rights, when it seems like the person, the victim, should have/feel positive about the treatment/justice they receive.   I want to hurl myself against the stupid wall and hope that it takes me in…. because obviously.. stupid is the norm these days and I need to conform….

 O.k. so I’m all worked up about this…. but I just saw a picture of Renee Zellweger and I just realized that the Chuckie doll is better looking (and less scary) than she is.  Boy that lady is bugly (butt ugly)…